Why I will never close this blog and making my grass greener

happy

I know I don’t write here anymore folks and, well, it is what it is. Two kids (one that doesn’t sleep well) leaves me spinning most days. I hardly get any me time and when I do I’m just not pumped to write.

My brain writes posts all the time. But then the act of sitting down to type them up is more than I can bear. I’ve been through writing slumps like this before. And maybe I will come back to it but for right now, I’m just taking it one day at a time.

One thing I have feeling the urge to do lately is to start tending to my own metaphorical garden. I feel like my grass is lacking all the things it needs to be the green of lovely tended lawns. Right now, my grass looks like it has been through a long hot summer with little to no rain. It is limp and brown and dry but with patches of green as I get a bit of self care in here and there. Continue reading

Some days.

Some days I’m a super mum. 

But not today.

Some days I bounce out of bed and feed two children and myself, dress us all, wash the dishes and bounce out of the house by 9am and I don’t feel stressed at all. 

But not today. Or yesterday for that matter. 

Today we got up at 6am and I was struggling to get us out of the house by 1130. 1130! What the fuck was I doing? Not the dishes. I tried three times to do those and still there are some that I didn’t get to.

Not the Christmas wrapping or packing for our trip on Thursday.

Not any housework…although I did get the clothes hung out and now realise at almost 730pm I didn’t manage to bring them in. Better get on that. 

I had plans for today but I didn’t get most of that done either. Turns out today had plans for me. 

I had a coffee at 5pm to get a boost to see me through the evening. Didn’t work. Yesterday I made time for a 20 min meditation instead (yes I know! 20 mins!) and I felt so much better for it. Need to make that part of every day. But it wasn’t a part of today.

I love my kids but…no not BUT. I love my kids. That is a statement that should stand in its own. I love them and their itty bitty smiley whiny faces. 

The truth is though that some days it is more relentless than I can handle. I am so tired of not being able to achieve anything. I feel like that little mouse spinning on its wheel. Spin spin spin. All that effort and going fucking nowhere.

Maybe tomorrow will be better but I’m not holding my breathe. Tomorrow I WILL meditate. Give the day a freaking chance at least.

Today, however, today I drink wine. And put my feet up. And forget the shit that surrounds me and do what I can do while repeatedly settling my non sleeper of a baby. 

I’d forgotten how relentless parenting littlies is. BeeGee is on the move now. That little punk started commando crawling at 5.5 months!! Most babies sit first and then crawl. My babies give the middle finger to what most babies do and jam to the beat of their own drum which usually I love. Just not today.

Lucky they are delicious and cute and I know it gets easier or I might just gouge my eyes out with a fork. 

Young baby time is such a survival time of life. Some mums have it all together but I’m just not one of those mums it turns out. Oh well. My kids don’t know the difference. I complained I looked haggered and tired in a photo recently and Monkey said “I don’t see that, Mum. I think you look beautiful.”

And even on my worst days, like today, that’s what they see. Beautiful gorgeous mum. Their everything. 

They wear me down to the bone and bring me joy all in the same moment some times. Especially today.

Tummy Trouble in Baby Paradise – Part 2

You guys, we have turned a corner. I am beside myself with happiness with BeeGee’s progress lately.

  • We have YELLOW poop. No more green yukky stuff. It is still mucus-y which I guess is still something about her tummy but I will take mucus-y yellow over green any day. I am happy to call this baseline poo.

Continue reading

Tummy Troubles in Baby Paradise – Part 1

I had this whole big long post all written out about our tummy troubles but then I decided  it was too long and too boring and probably more specific than any of you needed to know. If someone pops by because of a google search about their baby and allergens and green mucousy poo and wants more info then please leave a comment and I’ll answer any questions you have. Today we are going to try for the streamlined version.

But before that I’m going to spam you with this photo of my babies. ♥♥

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Isn’t it just the best? This photo of them laughing together makes my heart want to explode with happiness. Continue reading

Well that didn’t take long

So here’s the scoop peeps…

I want another baby. 

Isn’t that just flipping out of this world crazy? And I don’t mean I want to trade in the Hollster and get another one. I mean I want an additional one. As in a THIRD child.

What the actual fuck? 

I don’t even understand it to be honest. One minute I’m moaning about the pain in my vagina and declaring no human will ever exit my loins ever again and the next I feel deep in my bones that I want to have one more baby at some point. I just feel like there is another soul out there for us, apparently.

This baby, you know the one I had only 8 weeks ago, is actually doing really great at the moment so I think that is part of it. After my last post she kind of self corrected those night sleeps so I think it must have been the 6 week growth spurt. And bless her heart she is getting better and better at being put down and sleeping on her own. She still catnaps in the day the little upstart but I really feel like things are improving. And even without all the sleeps I would like she is sooooooo happy. I think that’s what is going on. She is melting my heart with her happiness and giggles. I mean, seriously, CHECK HER OUT:


So at 8 weeks young we are pretty much on 4 feeds a day (3-4 hourly feed cycle)  and 2 overnight (1130ish and 330ish). She is a pretty efficient little feeder so her feeds don’t last all that long so it doesn’t seem too taxing at all. 

Of course it is not always like this. We have only been on this cycle this past almost week which is ages in baby land but not really that longand sometimes I do top her feeds up during the day. I just follow her cues and do what I think she needs. Sometimes I fuck it up, sometimes I get it right and the longer we go on our little journey together the better I feel I am getting at reading her. Now I have said that though she will go down a totally different path just to screw with me as that’s what babies seem to do!

Anyway I am not planning on doing the baby thing in the immediate future. In fact I am turning Eric down more often than not as I am scared of some weird voodoo where all of a sudden I fall pregnant at the drop of a hat (and before even getting my period back because IT HAPPENS people) despite it taking us all most 3 years to get BeeGee (Holly’s new blog name from this point btw). 

I have no intention of going down the full on secondary infertility path again. When the time comes we will go back and have the endo operation again to clear me out but that is all we will do. No more IVF. Just go old fashioned sex. I will most certainly be 40 or even 41 at that point so things just may not happen based on age alone and I’m ok with that. But we will have a little crack at it nonetheless. 
Well maybe. I’m hating on Eric a bit at the moment so I may have chucked his entire worldly possessions on the lawn by then and told him to get lost. Might be a bit hard to have the third baby without him as buggered if I’m starting over all that biz with someone new. Far too complicated. 

Meanwhile I am going to try and find me some reasonable birth control that doesn’t make me craaaaaay-zeeeee. Can’t believe after all we have been through I am thinking about freaking birth control. Just seems wrong. But I’m not sure my mental health would survive a baby in 9 months time. TOO SOON. 

So there you have it, the baby scoop. 

It is official: I am a flipping nutter. 

Childbirth injuries happen no matter how you give birth

I read this awesome article this morning talking about childbirth injuries and why some of our OBs don’t do a very good job of handling these issues. 

If you are experiencing any sort of pain, incontinence or if everything is just a little “not right” then find yourself a women’s health Physio (that is basically a summary of the article conclusion). And it doesn’t matter if it was a vaginal birth or csection, these things can happen to us all. 

I think we are expected to just pick ourselves up and recover from birth like it was nothing when really, it is a massive event for your body and it is quite normal if something isn’t quite the same after it. Yes women have been delivering in the fields for years because oh it’s natural but I bet they also have flappy vaginas from tears that haven’t healed and terrible incontinence issues. They aren’t all just bouncing back because they are back in the fields the next day.

My favourite quote from the article on this:

One New York mother summed up her recent postpartum experience this way: ‘You’re not hemorrhaging? OK, peace, see you later.'”

Here’s the link if you want to have a read. I highly recommend it if you have anything at all funky going on. 

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/a59626/birth-injuries-postpartum-pain-untreated/?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037