Just keep swimming

It has been awhile since I checked in and I was in a pretty ordinary place my last post so I figured I better do an update. The words have been swimming around in my head for awhile but I haven’t had the impetus to get them out. It’s been a bit of tough times over in my corner.

The last I wrote I was day 1 of a funk that lasted about 5 days and was the most debilitating round of depression I have had. It got me with the old one two and I was on the floor unable to get up and get on with it, barely able to parent. It was awful. Eric chose that time to have a go at me: about my weight, about BEING depressed and suffering from depression and anxiety. I kid you not, he totally had a go at me about these things. I fought back because I fight a good fight but FUCK that I had to. Just fuck. Anyway he has since pulled his head in and apologised profusely and just got his act together but damn that guy drives me crazy sometimes. Continue reading


A funky little headspace

Ugh. I simply cannot figure out how to write this post and that’s a bit of a strange experience for me. Suddenly it’s like I don’t know how to convey my feelings.

As you know, things have mostly been going along OK since the miscarriage. Looking at it now I should have expected there would be a crash at some point. I was doing far too well, even I thought it was strange. In fact, I thought it was kind of wrong that I wasn’t more outwardly devastated. I had a couch day last Wednesday and got up Thursday all perky and normal, feeling fine. I had my moments but really, I was bumbling along alright. Continue reading

I’m doing OK

I just thought I should report in and let you know that I’m doing OK. I had my final beta yesterday and it had dropped from 2700 on Friday to 1300 so there are no miracles in this womb today.

Mostly I am doing fine. I’ve been busy because I work and I have a 3 year old and that’s just life. There is no peace to experience a miscarriage here. Of course this week I happen to have the busiest week ever – I’m working 3 full days which I don’t normally do PLUS Eric is away for the weekend so I’m on full time parenting duty with no break in sight. Fucking Murphy and his stupid law. Continue reading