Well that didn’t take long

So here’s the scoop peeps…

I want another baby. 

Isn’t that just flipping out of this world crazy? And I don’t mean I want to trade in the Hollster and get another one. I mean I want an additional one. As in a THIRD child.

What the actual fuck? 

I don’t even understand it to be honest. One minute I’m moaning about the pain in my vagina and declaring no human will ever exit my loins ever again and the next I feel deep in my bones that I want to have one more baby at some point. I just feel like there is another soul out there for us, apparently.

This baby, you know the one I had only 8 weeks ago, is actually doing really great at the moment so I think that is part of it. After my last post she kind of self corrected those night sleeps so I think it must have been the 6 week growth spurt. And bless her heart she is getting better and better at being put down and sleeping on her own. She still catnaps in the day the little upstart but I really feel like things are improving. And even without all the sleeps I would like she is sooooooo happy. I think that’s what is going on. She is melting my heart with her happiness and giggles. I mean, seriously, CHECK HER OUT:

So at 8 weeks young we are pretty much on 4 feeds a day (3-4 hourly feed cycle)  and 2 overnight (1130ish and 330ish). She is a pretty efficient little feeder so her feeds don’t last all that long so it doesn’t seem too taxing at all. 

Of course it is not always like this. We have only been on this cycle this past almost week which is ages in baby land but not really that longand sometimes I do top her feeds up during the day. I just follow her cues and do what I think she needs. Sometimes I fuck it up, sometimes I get it right and the longer we go on our little journey together the better I feel I am getting at reading her. Now I have said that though she will go down a totally different path just to screw with me as that’s what babies seem to do!

Anyway I am not planning on doing the baby thing in the immediate future. In fact I am turning Eric down more often than not as I am scared of some weird voodoo where all of a sudden I fall pregnant at the drop of a hat (and before even getting my period back because IT HAPPENS people) despite it taking us all most 3 years to get BeeGee (Holly’s new blog name from this point btw). 

I have no intention of going down the full on secondary infertility path again. When the time comes we will go back and have the endo operation again to clear me out but that is all we will do. No more IVF. Just go old fashioned sex. I will most certainly be 40 or even 41 at that point so things just may not happen based on age alone and I’m ok with that. But we will have a little crack at it nonetheless. 
Well maybe. I’m hating on Eric a bit at the moment so I may have chucked his entire worldly possessions on the lawn by then and told him to get lost. Might be a bit hard to have the third baby without him as buggered if I’m starting over all that biz with someone new. Far too complicated. 

Meanwhile I am going to try and find me some reasonable birth control that doesn’t make me craaaaaay-zeeeee. Can’t believe after all we have been through I am thinking about freaking birth control. Just seems wrong. But I’m not sure my mental health would survive a baby in 9 months time. TOO SOON. 

So there you have it, the baby scoop. 

It is official: I am a flipping nutter. 


Childbirth injuries happen no matter how you give birth

I read this awesome article this morning talking about childbirth injuries and why some of our OBs don’t do a very good job of handling these issues. 

If you are experiencing any sort of pain, incontinence or if everything is just a little “not right” then find yourself a women’s health Physio (that is basically a summary of the article conclusion). And it doesn’t matter if it was a vaginal birth or csection, these things can happen to us all. 

I think we are expected to just pick ourselves up and recover from birth like it was nothing when really, it is a massive event for your body and it is quite normal if something isn’t quite the same after it. Yes women have been delivering in the fields for years because oh it’s natural but I bet they also have flappy vaginas from tears that haven’t healed and terrible incontinence issues. They aren’t all just bouncing back because they are back in the fields the next day.

My favourite quote from the article on this:

One New York mother summed up her recent postpartum experience this way: ‘You’re not hemorrhaging? OK, peace, see you later.'”

Here’s the link if you want to have a read. I highly recommend it if you have anything at all funky going on. 


Warning: this post is a bit braggy

So after my shower today I decided to jump on the scales to see where it is all at and you guys, I’m only 3kgs off my pre-pregnancy weight at 12 days post partum! How good is that? As I’m breastfeeding I haven’t focused on weight loss at all, just trying to eat regular healthy meals. So this was a pleasant surprise.

Of course, my pre-pregnancy weight (64kgs) was 6 kgs above my usual weight so I actually have more than 3kgs to lose but still, small steps. Pre-pregnancy weight is the first one and I am almost there and so pleased!

Don’t worry, I’m not smashing it out of the park with everything. My house is piling up around me like nobody’s business. Last night Monkey wet the bed and because there are already three of us in our bed with the baby waking for regular feeds I had to set him up on the floor next to me on a mattress and in a sleeping bag. 

While I’m having a bitch let me tell you about my mother in law this morning. She sent me a third email (from Europe where she is at the moment) asking me to please send her photographs as she can’t share my Facebook ones with all her friends because of my privacy settings and Eric’s dad doesn’t do Facebook (she put that bit in bold and underline – I kid you not) so he can’t see them either. When she sent the second email last week I moaned to my mum about it and so she sent her some photos from her phone. Well MIL says to me in this email today that my mum kindly sent some from her iPhone but they aren’t very good quality so would I please send more. 

I was furious. Why is it my problem if her friends can’t see my Facebook photos or her ex husband doesn’t have Facebook? I wrote back and told her pretty much that and that my priority right now isn’t to sort them all out with pictures while I’m trying to adjust to life with 2 children, one of which feeds 24/7 and has been sick. If she wants to hassle someone about it again, as yes I’d received all 3 of her emails, then she could get onto her son about it and not me. And perhaps if they’d like to see more of their granddaughter they could work on being in the country. I read it to Eric first to get permission to send it and he green lighted it so off it went. FAR OUT that woman sends me spare.

So yes poor little Holly wound up sick and in hospital. It was the most terrifying moment of my life to date rocking up there with a baby who won’t stop sleeping or wake for feeds. I actually held her and sobbed that day and begged her not to leave me. It felt like just when she was here safe and well something awful was going to happen and she’d be taken away. These are the scars of infertility, my friends. They never leave you. Anyway, it wasn’t as bad as all that even though I was clearly hysterical. She caught her big brother’s virus poor little chicken. We spent 2 nights in and she was very brave but is doing so well now. The downside is that my supply went down as she wasn’t feeding much so we had to spend all day yesterday with her attached to my breast building it back up again but you know what, today is a better day. 

I managed to bath her, have a shower myself, give us all breakfast, put some crap away, tell off my MIL, visits the OB and I’m about to hit the grocery store. Not bad at all. Progress is what is is. 

Here’s brave little poppet on the mend in hospital with that nasty cannula in her hand (had to leave the room sobbing when they put that in). 

And I guess the whole post wasn’t braggy, just that beginning bit. I still have a flabby round tummy by the way. It isn’t perfect over her AT ALL.