Ugh. I simply cannot figure out how to write this post and that’s a bit of a strange experience for me. Suddenly it’s like I don’t know how to convey my feelings.
As you know, things have mostly been going along OK since the miscarriage. Looking at it now I should have expected there would be a crash at some point. I was doing far too well, even I thought it was strange. In fact, I thought it was kind of wrong that I wasn’t more outwardly devastated. I had a couch day last Wednesday and got up Thursday all perky and normal, feeling fine. I had my moments but really, I was bumbling along alright. Continue reading
While I have had what can only be described as a really shit week, there have been a few diamonds that have come out of the carnage. Here is what I learnt this week and it’s all because I had the misfortune of experiencing a miscarriage. Continue reading
I just thought I should report in and let you know that I’m doing OK. I had my final beta yesterday and it had dropped from 2700 on Friday to 1300 so there are no miracles in this womb today.
Mostly I am doing fine. I’ve been busy because I work and I have a 3 year old and that’s just life. There is no peace to experience a miscarriage here. Of course this week I happen to have the busiest week ever – I’m working 3 full days which I don’t normally do PLUS Eric is away for the weekend so I’m on full time parenting duty with no break in sight. Fucking Murphy and his stupid law. Continue reading
I know you guys want me to stay positive and hope for the miracle but I just know that this isn’t going to be the case for us this time.
Yesterday around lunchtime or so I passed a blood clot. After this consistent bleeding began and it has been a series of blood and clots ever since. I have woken this morning with cramping. I think this, along with all the signs which I’m going to list below, indicates a definite miscarriage. Continue reading
I have been sitting here mulling over everything tonight and how my clinic won’t book me for a scan for 2.5 weeks because they think based on Friday’s beta that I’m only 5 weeks pregnant, rather than 6 weeks pregnant. It is impossible for me to be only 5 weeks pregnant. It just doesn’t work. So I’ve sent my nurse an email explaining this and played a bit of hard ball about it. I’m with a clinic and I expect their help so I have firmly put the ball in their court. Don’t fuck with me when I’m on a mission! Here it is:
Sorry to be a pain about this but I can’t possibly be only 5 weeks pregnant. So I’m either starting to have a loss or I don’t know what is going on. If I am 5 weeks pregnant than that means I ovulated about 3 weeks ago – which was somewhere between days 28 and 32 of my cycle depending how far along in the 5th week you think I am. I last had sex on day 18 of my cycle. I know sperm can live awhile but not THAT long. It just isn’t possible.
I don’t know what is going on right now – I am assuming that a miscarriage is starting if my numbers are low enough that you think I’m 5 weeks. What can be done to get some clarity round this because I’m not comfortable with doing nothing and waiting for a scan in 2 and a half weeks to then potentially see an embryo that stopped growing. It isn’t fair that I should have to wait that long for clarity when I’m with a fertility clinic that has options to help me seek it.
What do you suggest?
Too far? Too bad. I can’t live in this state for the new couple of weeks. I need more answers.
I have just woken. It is early Saturday morning here. The first thing I have noticed is that I don’t feel pregnant anymore. I haven’t had any further bleeding overnight but I just feel like the HCG has stopped causing a decline of my symptoms.
My boobs aren’t sore. I didn’t wake at 4am with insomnia. I wasn’t busting for the loo when I woke. I can’t feel this baby with me anymore.
I know you guys are going to tell me to stay positive and of course I will hope I am wrong but I am just reporting in and being honest about what I feel. This doesn’t feel good.
Before the whole blood saga began I was actually having a really great day. I did something that I am normally so afraid of and kicked its arse. I did it with grace and ease and not a single tear – and trust me, when I do this thing, there is normally a lot of shaking and tears.
Friends, I went to the dentist. Now before you scoff at me for making a big deal about it let me tell you, it is the thing I have been most afraid of my whole life. For awhile there I had a dentist who prescribed me Valium to take before each appointment. I was THAT bad. I have also had a clean and some fillings under a general anesthetic by choice. Yes, I elected to be put to sleep just to have a scale and clean done without pain. Continue reading