I’ve never been one to struggle too much with making the big decisions. If anything I make them too easily. I’m seem to be made of the gut feel, impulsive stuff.
For me big decisions seem to come easy, but what to order for lunch seems perilous and life altering. So it is somewhat alarming that I am having such difficulty in deciding where the hell I should be next stopping on the fertility train. In some ways I liked it better when it seemed I’d only had the choice of one stop.
Usually if I can’t decide I go for the “If you don’t know, do nothing” approach but doing nothing isn’t really an option for this one. It is akin to setting fire to my ovaries and I’m sure we can all agree that that would be counter productive on this mission.
I was going to write and update you last week but I’m glad I waited to write this post. If I’d written it last week after my specialist appointment I would have sounded all overwhelmed and terrified and as it turns out, things aren’t always as bad as they seem.
Let me rewind. Continue reading
So this pregnancy has gone the way of the last…in that it didn’t stick.
I knew it was all heading south when, this morning, I started spotting. My immediate reaction was anger. I was so mad at my body and the situation. We have been trying so hard and doing everything right and I had been so good about not testing again and waiting for the bloods. This falling and then nothing just feels so cruel. Especially the second time in a row.
I went off and had my blood test anyway and the results confirmed what I felt was already taking place – my hCG had dropped to only 12.
The nurse at the clinic was lovely and talked through lots of stuff with me. She agrees with my approach for what’s next and that is to have the MRI and see if this patch of whatever it is, is whatever the Dr thinks it is. If so, it could be affecting the implantation and I really don’t see why we should throw money at more procedures if we are just going to keep getting this same result. We need to further refine things; investigate and then treat accordingly. She has also suggested considering genetic testing.
So that’s about it from me. I’m OK. I did just go and get my son out of his bed though and put him in mine. I feel I need him close tonight.
I got lucky (a sign?) and got my blood test results back this afternoon rather than having to wait until tomorrow morning. Yay!
So, technically I’m preggers however my HCG is only at 21 which is pretty damn low. The nurse wasn’t overly excited when she spoke to me, more cautious. She says I need to have another test on Friday to see if it has gone up enough.
Obviously I have googled the shit out of it and have found people with low HCG at the same stage who have gone on to have successful pregnancies, I’ve also found people who have gone on to have losses. I found a chart that said for 14 days post ovulation (I’m probably 15) the HCG should be somewhere between 5-50 with the average being 21. That made me feel better.
From here, it’s just wait and see I guess. And hope for the best. I had a bit of a time out from work today when all this happened so I could relax and chill and after that I felt a lot better and more positive. I ‘ve honestly felt really great this whole cycle and there’s no need for that to change now.
Oh god this is excruciating.
So I did the test. Initially I thought I had a negative result and I honestly just couldn’t believe it. Then I looked at the test again and thought I could see the faintest line ever. So I went to stand in the natural light and yup, there is a super faint line there. It makes my last positive result that I thought was really faint look like a solid dark line. Seriously. This baby is barely there.
I called the clinic and they are faxing a blood test request to my local pathology place. I’ve missed the deadline for a same day result so will find out tomorrow. I might also go and get more urine tests.
I’m pretty freaked out by it all as my last pregnancy with the faint positive line that kept getting fainter ended in a chemical pregnancy and I’m not sure I can face another one of those.
Man this is stressful. I need to believe it will all be OK. It will all be OK. It will all be OK.
I will be in touch when I have more news.
Well on this day last cycle I woke up with a hangover and an appearance by AF. Clearly I knew I wasn’t preggers (I’d tested a few times) hence the hangover. Anyway, today at 14 days post IUI I have neither. What a GREAT start to the day.
Sorry to keep you all hanging but I chatted to Eric and we have decided to test tomorrow…so you’ll have to wait one more day for the news.
I bet I’m in that loo checking for AF a zillion times today. I feel like I’m almost holding my breath.