Beta #3 – It’s been a hell of a week

This week has been a rocky one, full ups and downs, peaks and troughs, hills and valleys.

MONDAY: Beta 2 comes in at a lovely 140. Hooray! I am 4 weeks 2 days pregnant and I have a nice strong number. High fives and fist bumps all round.

TUESDAY: Nice busy day chasing Monkey around but the calculations in my mind commence. So if Saturday was 14 dpo that means I’m now 17dpo or, 4 weeks and 1, 2, 3; 4 weeks and 3 days pregnant. So 6 more days to my beta, 4 more days until 5 weeks. Continue reading

Here we go again.

So I did the more sensitive First Response pregnancy test when we got home from our little outing this morning and once again I seem to have fallen pregnant during my IVF prep cycle. It seems the removal of the endo and perhaps my priming meds really seem to work together nicely and make me fertile.

Here it is…the test.

preg test 1809

I’m not yaying this time which I feel guilty about but I’m just so tired by it all. And seriously, I’ve been bleeding for about 5 days now so it doesn’t make me feel as hopeful as I could be. I had full flow Monday and lighter bleeding since but it’s definitely more than spotting (just got off phone from acupuncturist and she is sorting herbs for this). The line isn’t that dark – I’m estimating I’m 13dpo – and I just had a miscarriage so I feel like the odds just aren’t really in my favour when it comes to pregnancy but anyway, it is what it is.

I’ve put a call into the clinic and I guess there will be a HCG soon but maybe Monday as it is Friday here now. I’m actually OK with Monday as then it has a chance of not being an exceptionally low number. I don’t know how much more I can stand of the highs and lows.

Someone get excited for me so I can just hang in there. I’m exhausted by the roller coaster today. Mucho love.

IVF #4 continues to be rained off the field

Ugh. I am so over this.

So after a lot of palava I won’t bore you with surrounding my blood draw yesterday I finally got my results back this morning. Progesterone remains high and now estrogen has gone up too. What the????

The nurse asked me if I’d peed on a stick yet.

I did a pregnancy test Wed afternoon and one again on Thursday morning and they were both snowy white negatives.  But they were el cheapo strip tests so not very sensitive. Based on when I think I ovulated I don’t even think I’d be 14 dpo now so it might have been a case of crappy test and too early testing. I don’t know.

ANYWAY, the nurse is going to consult with the Dr and see if we should do a HCG. I will pee on a stronger stick at some point. I am still bleeding lightly for my period so it’s not like that stopped happening either.

Perhaps this is why they make you wait after miscarriage sometimes? The hormones just go cray cray.  I have no idea what I’m even wishing for here. I was ready to start.

IVF #4 – There is a slight delay in the commencement of the games due to inclement weather

postponed

So of course we can’t just have the ball roll smoothly down the hill and take us home. Noooooo. There always has to be something.

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I went to the clinic today to have my baseline scan and start of cycle bloods. This is all very new for me as my last clinic didn’t subscribe to this at all. They just went “oh day 2, here are your meds and your schedule, start stabbing yourself tomorrow morning. Check ya!”.

No dildo cam today – so unexpected! I did not know how to handle that surprise at all.

Picture this: Doc tells me to go get settled for the scan. Just on the tummy he says. I start making a weird maneuvre like where? Pants how? Where? Isn’t this always dildo cam time? I’m thrown. SO thrown. Confusion and awkwardness rip through the room like silent fart and everyone is pulling a bad face because they can smell it. Doc says: It’s just a tummy scan. Tummy. TUMMY. <very emphatically> I clamber onto the chair/bed fully clothed and still confused and wondering if I no longer understand the meaning of tummy. And then he heads to my tummy with a gel covered standard ultrasound thingy that does not look like a dildo and I’m instantly relieved that I do indeed still know the meaning of the word tummy and that I’m going to get to keep my pants on.

Yeah that wasn’t awkward AT ALL.

Anyway there were 15 lovely follies hanging about in there ready to ripen so that’s a good number to aim for. I guess we’ll get less but it’s a nice goal.  I’ve never had my follicles checked via the tummy before! Such a novelty. I totally did not miss my date with the dildo cam.

Then I had an hour of a palava at the pharmacy because the clinic hadn’t sent my script and then when they did they fucked it up and didn’t circle a dosage on one of the items and then their form had a drug that my form didn’t have and I was all what the fuck is this? I don’t even know how to administer that shit. Fark. This clinic is not good with the admin, I tell you. I just have to keep repeating my mantra – we are there for the doctor, there for the doctor, there for the doctor.

So I finally have all the meds and I’m good to go. I come home, chuck it all in the fridge and start getting psyched for needles tomorrow AM and then they ring me – can’t start yet. The progesterone in my blood is too high and no one seems to know why. Weird. So I have to go for more bloods in two days time and hopefully the sucker has decreased. If it is still high I’ll be taking a pregnancy test thanks very much and making sure something weird ain’t going on in the lady parts.

Hopefully all is fine and I can start needles Friday because we just paid $8,800 ish today and while most could be refunded none of those meds can be refunded or returned and what am I going to do with a fridge full of that shit?

Who needs smooth when you can have bumpy and unpredictable? I just try to keep reminding myself that bumpy doesn’t mean failure. When I got my licence it was the bumpiest fucking day of my life and I almost didn’t get to my test as my driver instructor and I had a communication issue. But I did get there and I did get my licence so bumpy, it means nothing. It’s like rain on your wedding day. Not ideal but FINE.

I’m just glad I’m with this clinic and they are checking this shiz because like I said, at my old one, we’d have started regardless and that would have been not ideal at all. I mean, who knows how you respond to all this when your levels are elevated? I suspect it stuffs things up a wee bit though and we just want to do it right.

Cross fingers for me that we get the go ahead on Thursday. I’m so read for the needle fest. I just want to GO!

IVF #4 – Let the games begin

Well that last post was a bit premature it seems.

There has been action in the field of the kind we need to get this party started and I am beyond excited. I am SO READY to start this cycle. I feel like fucking Katniss in The Hunger Games. It will be hard but ultimately I will come out alive.

So it’s clinic tomorrow to do baseline scan and bloods and pick up stims. Stims will start the following day. Woooot.

So ready for this. So ready to see if there is any change to my embies after the endo removal. This will be a tough round with lots of waiting because of the PGD but we will do this. And I feel certain we are going to get our baby.

That thing I said I wasn’t going to do this month

crazy brain

This might as well be me.

Obsess. That’s the thing I wasn’t going to do.

I wasn’t going to obsess over when my new cycle might start as I knew it would be weird with the miscarriage last month. And I was just going to be a chilled out little monkey in a Just call me Yoda kind of way. But guess what? I’m actually not a Just call me Yoda kinda girl. I’d like to be. But I’m not. And I should know this by now. Continue reading