1 boy and 2 girls

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You know when you commence on this IVF journey that you are in the business of making babies – teeny tiny little humans – so I’m not sure why it came as a surprise to me when I recently learnt the gender of our “abnormal” embryos.  Well the 3 tested in the first round of testing we had done anyway.

Of course I am aware that testing chromosomes also reveals gender but in Australia we aren’t actually allowed to know the gender or select an embryo based on the gender result unless there is a health reason for it (ie some serious health conditions only pass down via the male or female so if you have on of these you’d choose the gender that wouldn’t carry the gene). So I just hadn’t considered this information would be readily available to us, or even our Dr to be honest. And I’m not really sure how I feel about even our Dr getting it. If it’s against the law to be able to choose should the Dr have the gender info? It seems to me that would leave them open to being influenced by the patient. ANYWAY.

I found out as I requested my file recently so I would have it on hand to send to the clinics we are seeking a second opinion from. And right there on the front page of the results is this:

male

female

female

Our little babies that wanted to but couldn’t. This made me so sad. I think I distanced myself from them being “babies” as the result came back as abnormal so they never could grow into little humans but man oh man, giving them a gender makes it feel a wee bit different.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m sitting around with a box of tissues and crying myself to sleep but dudes, this is SAD. It makes me feel SAD. We are trying so hard to grow another little human, bring another little soul into this universe that seeing those little embies with a very human characteristic just left my heart so heavy.

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Speaking of heavy hearts I have been in tears this morning about the two Australians executed in Bali last night for drug trafficking.  We don’t do the death penalty at all in Australia and to me, death penalty for drug related crimes seems a bit of a stretch. Aside from that these guys spent 10 years in prison and truly rehabilitated. At the time of the crime they were 20 and 24, young men making very bad choices. Did they need to be caught and punished? Yes. Killed? I personally don’t think so.

Their names were Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran and I just want to take a moment to reflect on their marvelous efforts at rehabilitation and all they did to help other inmates while they were doing their time for their crime.

I find it so hard to deal with the idea of extinguishing life at a time when so many of us are working so hard to light the fire. It just seems so wrong.

May these two boys rest in peace. My heart goes out to their families today, in particular, their mothers.

#Istandformercy

31 thoughts on “1 boy and 2 girls”

  2. It is sad. I hate that things turned out that way. Also, I am surprised that you are not allowed to know the sex when doing a transfer. In the US, it is fine. We were told the sex of all of ours (both normal and abnormal). It is strange how things can be so different.

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    • Yeah there is this whole ethics thing surrounding it. I think the people against it believe it is a bit like playing god and the first step towards designer babies a la Brave New World. I can see societies where it wouldn’t work ie China. They already have issues with a lack of women due to the 1 child policy and people discarding their girl babies. Gender selection before birth would be a massive problem for them there. I know there are some Australian families who can conceive naturally without issue who have traveled to the US and undergone IVF treatment simply so they can get the girl baby or the boy baby. I’m not sure how cool I am with this. If you can conceive naturally then you should probably just get the babies that are granted to you. BUT if you are doing IVF anyway and as long as you aren’t discarding healthy embryos based on gender then I can’t see how it is a problem really….

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  3. Wow that’s kinda crazy, kinda sad about the embies. I guess it makes it more real, if that makes sense? I’m sorry it bothered you so much. And that sucks about those boys. I hadn’t heard about it, because I try not to watch the news if I can help it. It’s entirely too depressing. The only thing on most channels here at the moment is about the riots in Baltimore, MD. It just blows my mind that in this day and age, people are STILL rioting about anything at all. There are so many other ways to get your point across, why take it out on innocent people who did nothing wrong? This world just sucks sometimes. :-/

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    • Yeah I have seen glimpses of the Baltimore stuff (I normally skip the news too but got a whiff of what was happening with the boys so tracked it down as I felt they were deserving of a little of my time). It is all so sad – the executions, Baltimore riots, and every other crazy thing that happens that hurts humans. Just plain sad.

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      • True. I live pretty close to Baltimore (about 1 1/2 hours or so, with traffic) so it’s all anyone is talking about. I wish everyone could just get along, or at least deal with their issues in a civil manor. It does make me a little scared to bring kids into this world…I really want to live on an island somewhere!!

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  6. Oh Wow Em, i am sorry. I know what you mean about distancing them from being babies. Every time we have had an embryo transfer I try not to think about whether or not they would be a boy or a girl, purely to protect my heart. It’s a shame that it wasn’t hidden a little bit more. I would have been devastated. It makes it so much more real and i’m sorry you have to even go through it in the first place!

    And the executions have me with the most broken heart today, I was watching the Project last night and Myuran’s sister and Mum were begging for them not to be executed. I lost it, I can’t even fathom the pain they are currently experiencing. I struggle so much with people saying that it was what they deserved for their crime but I just can’t see how two beautiful young men who had done so much in the past 10 years and have rehabilitated could have their lives disregarded like they are nothing. #istandformercy #atpeacenow

    xx

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    • Yeah the executions are just awful. To anyone who says they deserved this fate I compel them to tell us that they have lived a life without mistakes. We all make mistakes, some of us even illegal ones, many people just don’t get caught. These guys got caught but they certainly paid the price and isn’t prison meant to be for rehabilitation anyway????? Anyway, we are on the same page here 🙂 I have emailed the Royal Jelly pages. Sorry to take so long! xx

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      • It seriously drives me crazy, I just wish there were something more we could have done but Indonesia most certainly were taking a stand. Thanks for that, i’ll check em out now! x

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  8. Too sad. Both of these things. Yes – a gender makes it so much more real. And I can’t even imagine how the mothers of those boys felt. It’s just awful. I hope you’re okay xxx

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  10. This is so sad, those poor guys and finding out the genders. Wow. That is just a new level of sadness and I’m so so sorry. I too always wondered about the gender thing and the Dr’s knowing – I stopped when I realized the extra step of testing that our clinic doesn’t do unless xyz, but I can see how that would be a point of contention when your clinic does that.
    Xo

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  12. I am so sorry, you’re right. I think knowing the gender makes it feel so much more real. I am hoping and praying your second opinion leads to better results. Hugs!

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