You know when you commence on this IVF journey that you are in the business of making babies – teeny tiny little humans – so I’m not sure why it came as a surprise to me when I recently learnt the gender of our “abnormal” embryos. Well the 3 tested in the first round of testing we had done anyway.
Of course I am aware that testing chromosomes also reveals gender but in Australia we aren’t actually allowed to know the gender or select an embryo based on the gender result unless there is a health reason for it (ie some serious health conditions only pass down via the male or female so if you have on of these you’d choose the gender that wouldn’t carry the gene). So I just hadn’t considered this information would be readily available to us, or even our Dr to be honest. And I’m not really sure how I feel about even our Dr getting it. If it’s against the law to be able to choose should the Dr have the gender info? It seems to me that would leave them open to being influenced by the patient. ANYWAY.
I found out as I requested my file recently so I would have it on hand to send to the clinics we are seeking a second opinion from. And right there on the front page of the results is this:
Our little babies that wanted to but couldn’t. This made me so sad. I think I distanced myself from them being “babies” as the result came back as abnormal so they never could grow into little humans but man oh man, giving them a gender makes it feel a wee bit different.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m sitting around with a box of tissues and crying myself to sleep but dudes, this is SAD. It makes me feel SAD. We are trying so hard to grow another little human, bring another little soul into this universe that seeing those little embies with a very human characteristic just left my heart so heavy.
Speaking of heavy hearts I have been in tears this morning about the two Australians executed in Bali last night for drug trafficking. We don’t do the death penalty at all in Australia and to me, death penalty for drug related crimes seems a bit of a stretch. Aside from that these guys spent 10 years in prison and truly rehabilitated. At the time of the crime they were 20 and 24, young men making very bad choices. Did they need to be caught and punished? Yes. Killed? I personally don’t think so.
Their names were Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran and I just want to take a moment to reflect on their marvelous efforts at rehabilitation and all they did to help other inmates while they were doing their time for their crime.
I find it so hard to deal with the idea of extinguishing life at a time when so many of us are working so hard to light the fire. It just seems so wrong.
May these two boys rest in peace. My heart goes out to their families today, in particular, their mothers.