THEY. Bunch of freaking know it alls if you ask me.
My baby catnaps for 20 mins only. Sometimes she will resettle to make the full 40 min sleep cycle but that’s usually about it, regardless of whether I wear her or drive her or hold her. Holding her has the most success though. Sometimes she will then allow herself to cross into another cycle. And I mean maybe once every three days when I need to go to the bathroom and it is either put her down and have her wake or hold her and maybe pee my pants a little as my pelvic floor has not yet recovered enough to allow an ongoing busting situation.
So there’s not much baby sleeping time for me to sleep.
At night we don’t do that much better but it is better so feel I should be grateful. We were getting a 2.5-3 hour cycle overnight (so that is from the beginning of one feed until the start of the next one – it is not all sleeping time) and I could deal with that. The last two nights we have regressed to a 2 hourly cycle and it is killing me. I am hoping it is just a growth spurt and it doesn’t become a habit. PLEASE GOD.
Sometimes she wakes after only 1.5 hours. When that happened last night I did manage to resettle her but had to have her next to me in bed so I could hold her dummy in forever. Co-sleeping doesn’t seem to make a lick of difference unless she is actually ON me and well, that isn’t good for MY sleep.
This morning I tried swaddling her again (she hates it) and still only a 20 min nap except this time we started it with a few minute scream-a-thon in protest of the swaddle. I am now holding her and sitting in the rocking chair to extend the nap. Ugh. She is actually pretty happy during the day despite all this but if she doesn’t get enough day sleep it is a witching hour scream-a-thon and that sucks. Plus sleep is supposed to be restorative and I feel like she isn’t getting enough of the good juice for her brain. I want her to have a healthy brain! Just one good sleep a day would be so good. I can handle cat naps after that. And decent night sleeps of course.
So at 6 weeks in I am feeling so weary. I am starting to say things like “I want to give up breastfeeding” which I won’t do but damn, I find it tough to be the only one that can soothe her or sort her out with what she needs when she seems to need it so frequently. And she seems to have gone off Eric for now so it really is only me who can hold her/feed her/soothe her at this point.
My last one was a tricky sleeper. I thought I was supposed to get a cruisy version this time???? Lies. It’s all lies. I feel so guilty too as to spend time with the baby trying to get her to sleep more I am spending less time with my big boy who is missing me and needs me.
I don’t think I would ever get a cruisy baby. Both my babies have been the reflux/colic types and I think a lot of it has been down to the dairy thing. I’ve cut it out now and she is a lot more settled for it – doesn’t grunt and groan as much when trying to sleep – so we will keep on with that. But with two parents who are dairy intolerant there is now way I am going to get a baby who isn’t bothered by it and when they are bothered by it you get bad sleeping/reflux/colic. I think that’s why the idea of a third is so stressful for me. It is truly a season of tough sleeplessness.
All this is impacted by the fact that I am still trying to work from home a little. There really isn’t that much to do but when it is stop/start/stop/start it gets hard to get it done. If she’d just have ONE 1.5/2hr sleep per day I could squish it in probably no more than one, maybe sometimes two days per week in the sleep time. But nooooooooo.
Anyway I’m an old pro at this baby thing as I’ve been there before so I know that things change all the time. It may get inexplicably better soon and it may get inexplicably worse. We just have to ride it out. Eventually you get through to the other side. But today I just felt like having a vent.
My new favourite saying is For Fucks Sake and I seem to be using it a lot as sleep deprivation makes me clumsy. Have you noticed that? When you are tired everything seems a zillion times more difficult and life in general just seems so easy to fuck up.
So here’s my vent.
Tricky sleepers suck! And I just pulled a hair out of my boob. For fucks sake.