One of “those” weeks – 32 weeks 5 days

2016-04-05 14.53.49

A little piece of cuteness for our baby girl

Well this week, as the title of this post says, was just one of those weeks. It’s not like anything particularly bad happened, just some annoying things. Still, by the end of it I am in a good mood so it can’t be all bad.

The shittiness started last Friday when I had to have a conversation with my Mum about who is welcome to stay when the baby arrives. I thought we’d already had this conversation. It went something like:

Me: Hey you realise that when the baby arrives that it is just you that we want staying for the full week. R (my step dad) can pop up and visit and say hi but I really need for it to just be you who stays.

(It was her idea to come and stay for a week so she can help out. She offered and I said yes as my mum is pretty much the only person I want help from in those early days).

Mumsy: Oh yes, that’s fine. He probably couldn’t get the time off work anyway.

So I thought she got it. I thought we were covered.

Then in a recent phone call she mentioned to Monkey that her and Poppy would be driving up when the baby is born (it is about an 8-9 hour drive). My immediate thought was uh-oh, that usually means holiday. Has she forgotten about our chat re who stays when the baby is born? Surely not.

About a week later we got a parcel in the mail for Monkey and in it there was a note. The note mentioned how when they visit after the baby arrives that Monkey can watch this movie with Poppy while Oomah helps mummy with the baby. OK. So I figured at that point we needed to have another conversation.

<insert expletives here>

So we had that convo last Friday night. I wasn’t going to bring it up right away but it kind of came up organically so I just went with it. What I had guessed was right, they were now both planning to come and stay for a week or so. My mother claims she had forgotten what was previously discussed even though I know it was discussed around the context of other people wanting to stay here and me dealing with that so I don’t really believe her. I was making a big deal about it. So if she didn’t forget then she was simply trying to manipulate the situation (I want to say “me” but I’m trying not to be personal about it) to get what she wants.

I was furious.  I mean, fucking SERIOUSLY.

I can’t see how either way she comes out looking good. She either didn’t listen which bugs the shit out of me when I’ve had a fairly extensive convo with her on the topic or she was manipulating the situation. My brother, who had issues with her around his wedding, is totally going for the manipulation angle as well. It is always around my step-father and his family that this comes up.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my step-father, but he is my mum’s husband, not some replacement for the crappy father I already have. He is a lovely guy and he makes my mum very happy but my mum moves heaven and earth to try and make sure he is included in EVERYTHING, almost to the exclusion of the wants and needs of her kids. I guess this is one of the issues you have with blended families. And really, I am OK with that because he is the one keeping her company as she gets older. But I am pissed at not being heard by my mum.

He is also one of those old school guys who pretty much can’t do anything for himself. I’m not even sure if he still knows how to use the washing machine and he doesn’t cook. So if he was here my mum’s focus would be totally split. She would feel the need to entertain and look after him at a time when I need her to be focused on me and my kids. In the end I told her that if she really wanted him to be here for entire week then that is totally fine but they’d need to stay at alternative accommodation and visit and help during the day.

The thing that pissed me off the most about the whole thing is that after we had the conversation she then sent me a text message to tell me she had “one very sad Poppy on her hands”. I mean, what the actual fuck? She wants to guilt trip me now? I was super annoyed about that text because I just felt like no-one was taking a moment to consider my needs and I am the one having the baby.

But anyway, that was now one week ago. I am clearly annoyed if I am talking about it but mostly I’ve just brushed it aside. Apparently Poppy doesn’t feel so sad now as he realises that his sister and her hubby are only visiting their daughter for the first day together when her baby comes and then the hubby (who is actually the daughter’s dad) will be returning home while mum stays on to help.

Honestly. People are killing me. I’m ok to fight for what I want but it blows that I have to. It makes me sad and exhausted as I feel I spend a lot of time considering how my actions and decisions will impact other people but no-one seems to want to return the favour. Anyway, enough poor me.

So that set the week up to a good start.

I have also spent the entire last 10 days fighting some bug that seems to want to come on but never quite gets there. So I have one day where I have this massively scratchy throat and body aches and feel like shite and then the next day I’ll bounce back and feel like I’ve fought the bug off and all is good with the world. Then the next day I’ll crash again. It is tiring for one, annoying for another and just a bit crap as how I feel on any given day is totally unpredictable. The acupuncturist did some work trying to sort this out at my session yesterday so I’m hoping that will do the trick.

On the up side I had a good visit with the OB on Monday. Everything looks great with baby, she isn’t so low anymore and not at all engaged, still head down and still flipping MASSIVE (now measuring 2.6kg with 8 weeks to go). These scans can often be really out so I truly hope that is the case for me otherwise she is going to be a whopper and I am determined to birth naturally. I actually feel less scared about birthing a 9+ pound baby than the prospect of another c-section so I think I have some work to do there with those fears as I have to accept at some point that that may be my reality regardless of how active my birth is.

I also started to see an Osteopath this week (kind of like a no crack chiro but they don’t just focus on spine, they do total body and it is all gentle manipulation). I mainly wanted to make sure my pelvis was looking good for a natural birth and he seems to think that is all great. He did some work to get blood flow around my injury site and I am happy to be doing that. Apparently the location of my fracture at T12 / L1 is linked to the uterus so it needs to be functioning as well as possible to encourage a successful birth I guess.

All good.

Lastly, to polish off my week I had two parents at pre-school yesterday ask me how long I had to go and then decide to jump in with a guess before I could answer. Because that’s always a smart move. One said 4 weeks and the other suggested any day now.

I wanted to scream: People, close your mouths. Use your brains. But I didn’t. Instead I smiled sweetly and said Oh I wish. Noooo. 7 weeks to go. I’m just massive.

Then the “any day now” mum went on to compliment me on my hair. Too funny. Poor bitch. She must have been feeling shocking.

Anyway that mum stuff could really have gone in a post of its own it’s so long so sorry about that. I was trying to not rant about it and squish it into this update but, well, FAIL.

Hope your weeks were less polished turds and more sunshine and rainbow unicorns than mine.

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46 thoughts on “One of “those” weeks – 32 weeks 5 days

  1. How inconsiderate of your mum. Why would you want more than her staying and helping out?! Even if you DO like your step-dad. It would feel more like having guests rather than help. I love my step-dad, he is super chilled, can do things for himself and would probably have our house in tip top shape….would I have him stay whilst I am grappling with a newborn and breast feeding etc? No. Would I love if he was in a motel nearby and popped in for afternoon tea for a cuddle and a chat over folding washing? Absolutely. I am already having to set boundaries with family and I am only 7 weeks!! It is crazy :-/

    Hope you have a better week this week. Glad baby girl is growing strong 🙂

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  2. Aw, man. So much for trying to pave the way early back when you did! I just found the visitors at birth thing a very tough thing. Baby 4 I just finally paid a baby sitter to come. And, you look beautiful! People forget how big we get! That’s probably a good thing—to forget the bad stuff. Maybe. I don’t know. LOL! Just put on the tightest clothes you have and flaunt it, beautiful, dark-haired mama! —–Terri

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    • I think we might pay a babysitter a bit too as one week of mum, while great, probably isn’t really enough “help”. I think you are right, people do forget how big we get! Have a great weekend X

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  3. I can totally relate to the whole blended family situation. My mother passed always few years ago and my dad has a new partner and as much as I love her and include her in a lot of things it’s sometimes like it’s not enough for my dad. She isn’t a replacement mother to me or my siblings but trying to tell him that without hurting his feelings is unbelievable hard!! There are some things I just want my dad for, and I we just want to be family things. God knows what will happen if we ever have a child 🙈

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    • Argh it is so complicated. I understand they want everyone to love their partner as much as they do but you can’t force people to feel those same ties. It is so tricky! My step dad has been around since I was 16 and I still don’t feel that way. Anyway, it is what it is. Sorry about your mum. That must be very raw for you. 😦

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      • It really is complicated. I think sometimes when you try and force it, it just makes it worse. If left alone it would develop into a good relationship on its own, it would give everyone time to find their place.

        Thank you, there’s good days and bad days. Although some days I feel like I’ve lost my right arm 😔

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  4. OMG I couldn’t stop laughing about your “poor bitch” comment about the mother at school…B is looking at me like I’ve lost my mind!!! People really should know better than to say things like that to pregnant women…ESPECIALLY if it’s a mom herself!! Sorry about all the stress with your mom. It’s so frustrating when you make yourself clear about something and then people just ignore it or blow it off. I hope that it stays calm with that from here on out so you don’t have to deal with it again!! Also, hope your cold or whatever it is stays away now! I hope they’re wrong about her measurements too!

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    • Hehe glad you got a chuckle out of that. Yeah I hope this is the last time I have to have a conversation with anyone about people staying during new baby time (although don’t think I’m out of the woods with having to address that for dad yet *sigh*). It is so stressful to have to deal with it!!! I end up feeling so guilty about it.

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  5. Once again, I feel like your perspective and reaction to your family is very justified. You have every right to set and maintain healthy boundaries – especially when you are bringing a new little one home! Just wanted to send a little encouragement…bravo.

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  6. It’s not like you’re going to have your boobs out all day for your step father to see…oh wait. You are. It infuriates me when people don’t get that the new mom needs privacy! You do not want to be running to hide every time the baby wants to feed which is pretty much all the time in the beginning. Argh! So sorry!

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    • I know!!! I had to run off to my room and breastfeed all the time the first time because we had Eric’s mum and hubby stay. It sucked and I don’t want to have to do it again!!! My home is my sanctuary and it really needs to be that way for new baby time.

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  7. Moms sometimes hear what they want to hear, and my mom also tends to push her own agenda on me and doesn’t HEAR me when I very clearly communicate my needs to her. It was interesting having her stay with us during the week to help with the babies for 4 months after I returned to work. I’d say this was my biggest complaint, though. I feel your pain and am so sorry they’re stressing you out, but good for you for putting your foot down.

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    • Yeah what is it with mums? It is like they can never let go of that role where they know best or something? Eric and Ai are promising each other we will be better grandparents. Let’s see how we manage that in 25+ years time lol I’m glad that when your mum was helping in those early days that it was really only that one area where things were tricky. It is like my mum coming for the week – even though she doesn’t HEAR me I know she does a lot of other great things so the trade off will be worth it 🙂

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      • Totally, she spoiled the whole family rotten with home cooked meals and baking, cleaning, and helping with babies. Boundaries were crossed and she didn’t hear me many times, but we were really lucky and comforted to have her help.

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  8. That’s really annoying of your mum this time needs to be able supporting you not just having extra people in the home to add to the stress. And why do people make comments about people’s appearance it’s so unhelpful! Hope next week’s a better week x

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  9. I agree with the manipulation angle – especially given the text she sent!! She’s prioritising him over your needs which is wrong. And I hate how relatives can be so insensitive over what it’s like to have a newborn. Steve and I have promised each other that if our children ever have children we will NOT make all the mistakes our parents make (who seem to have totally forgotten what it’s like to have small children and babies!). Eugh. Hang in there – you shouldn’t have to battle for consideration/attention at this important time. It really should be all about YOU! X

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    • Oh man, that flipping text. I was so mad when I got it. It was completely unnecessary except for manipulation purposes. I told her so too! Ha! Yes Eric and I have made the same promise. We will be more co side rate grandparents!!! lol

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  10. I find it so strange how moms just can’t understand boundaries. My mom does the same thing…she has it in her head how things should be according to HER experiences and desires and can’t see past them to consider mine.
    The intentions are good but the delivery is so shitty you just want to rip your hair out. Good for you for standing your ground and not allowing your post birth space to be breached by something you don’t want or need.
    Fucking people.

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  11. I have LOTS to say about the parental topic, but I’m going to email you about it instead of commenting, so look out in your inbox soon! I’m sorry about the pesky maybe-maybe-not bug. I feel like I keep getting those too? It’s so strange! And lastly, people are so dumb with the shit they say. Like can we all just agree not to comment on a woman’s size…ever. I’m glad baby is looking strong! And I agree with you that the weight predictions/calculations from the docs are almost always off so don’t even worry about that!

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    • Ooooo will look out for the email. Input on this one is welcome 🙂 The acupuncture seems to have helped my bug! She bled out a couple of my points which freaked me out as an idea but actually wasn’t too bad and the bug seems to have shifted. No crappy big days since! So if you are getting a bit that way then I’d recommend you give it a try. Oh and I am with you all the way on the not commenting a woman’s size ever. Everyone needs to just follow that simple rule!!!!

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  12. I can’t believe that text she sent. That was obviously intended to make you feel shitty. So rude! I would be super angry if someone did that to me.
    I had to laugh at your ‘poor bitch’ comment though. Really was too funny. You should have told them you were only 3 months pregnant or something. That really would have screwed with them hahaha.

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  13. Wow! How frustrating! I’ve never had this situation but have had many where my mum steamrollers my previously stated desires… I think it’s a mum thing! No less frustrating though. Good for you for sticking up for yourself. I always find it ridiculous that people invite themselves over to stay. It’s not polite!

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  14. Nothing like literally being told that XYZ is a bigger priority than you are and that you won’t be heard because again, you aren’t the priority! (insert massive eye roll!) I am very proud of you for standing your ground and having the talk, again. And really, I’d have just deleted that text message and never responded!! LOL. His happiness, heck even your mom’s happiness, is not in your control, you have no responsibility for that!!

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    • Haha you are so much more mature than me. I wish I’d just taken the high road and ignored the text. Oh well, next time I will be an adult lol And you are totally right, their happiness is not my responsibility!!

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  15. Ugh people are so selfish sometimes, and they really don’t seem to get that a NEW mom already has enough of her own selflessness to deal with. Cut the new mom some freaking slack already! I get you with the step parent stuff. My dad & step mother now have gotten into the practice of visiting their respective children on their own rather than as a pair. I’m sure all of us kids appreciate it. Pics Pics Pics! I want to see this massive beautiful belly! 😀

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