Hello Anxiety – 29 weeks 3 days

Well, the anxiety has been creeping back in this last week or so. It is like ever since I hit the third trimester my brain has been looking for things to hook onto that will freak me out about the wellbeing of the baby. Now that we are getting close to delivery it is like I am becoming more stressed about the possible outcomes that could take our dream of a healthy baby away from us.

Last Monday, the first thing I settled on was the whole worming tablet thing. Remember my pre-schooler gave us all worms early in the pregnancy? Well we had a recurrence in late Jan early Feb so all in all I took 5 x 100mg worming tablets with mebendazole as the active ingredient across the two incidents. Well something made me google it last Monday and it turns out that Combantrim comes in two forms – one has mebendazole as the active ingredient, the other Pyrantel. Pyrantel is the safe one. FUCK. I wigged out about this BIG TIME.

I had acted on advice from my GP who had consulted her trusty big book of stuff but all she had said to me was “Combrantrim is category B1 and should be fine”. She didn’t say ONLY GET THE ONE WITH PYRANTEL. Grrrrr. I googled more and found a bunch of studies discussing 500mg doses of mebendazole given to women in the second trimester in third world countries as parasites are so bad over there and none of them showed a significant increase in congenital abnormalities so that was reassuring. One was even a double blind study. The consensus seems to be that no pregnant woman should get that shit in the first trimester and while I didn’t take it until I was 15 weeks that does concern me. Like, if it’s that bad early on is there still an element of risk?

On the Thursday that week I had an appt to get my Whooping Cough Vax (standard 3rd trimester treatment here for women now regardless of how close together your pregnancies are) so I decided to speak to the GP about it then and see what she had to say. Well, she did not know about the two different types of Combantrim *sigh* However she felt comfortable with the fact that I’d taken it in the 2nd trimester and I’ve since asked my OB and he isn’t worried either. But STILL. I mean FUCK. It’s not my job to research this stuff. I am expecting the trained Dr that I consult to have the information for me that is reliable. Anyway, I could tell she felt like shit about it and she won’t forget this lesson anytime soon so that’s the silver lining on this one.

I noticed that day as I was walking up the surgery stairs that baby was waaaaay low. She felt really low for this point of the pregnancy. Low as in I was struggling to lift my leg to the next step because the baby’s freaking head was in the way. At this point it was still 3 weeks until my next OB appointment but I just filed it away as something to think about.

Worming issue shelved and slight wigging out about my vax and my brain moved onto something else. On Friday I decided to be concerned about the fact that for a few days my urine had seemed cloudy in colour and slightly strong smelling despite my best efforts to drink a decent amount of water. I emailed the OB and his office called me back and asked me to go to the GP for testing and to get the results cc’d to him. I did that and the preliminary test at the GP looked fine. He sent it to the lab anyway but wasn’t expecting anything more. Just told me my wee was a little dark in colour still so even more water please. All good.

Baby still felt low and I was off colour in a way I couldn’t really put my finger on but got motoring on. That weekend we had to continue with clearing out the common areas of the house for the painter to come this week so it was pretty full on with activity. I didn’t do too badly but just slightly off the whole time.

This week we stayed in a lovely local resort hotel (oooohhhh la la) while the painter was in which was pretty spesh. Buffet breakfast each day and a lovely resort pool. Monkey was in heaven. It would have been amazing except I slept like shit in that freaking bed the entire three nights we were there. So that didn’t go well for my “I’m just feeling a bit off” feeling. Plus since Sunday baby’s movements had seemed real sluggish. Previously she’d been rather vigorous but now while I could feel her move it seemed to be less and so much slower.

Yesterday I decided that I should just suck it up and go the OB early if I was worried. That’s why I have an OB so I can go any time I freaking want and he has always said I should come in sooner than my arranged appointment if I’m at all concerned. And I just thought what if I leave it and then go in two weeks time and find out something is wrong and I could have prevented it? I’d feel so stupid and annoyed with myself. So I went this morning.

I was fine with the midwife but as soon as I got in with the OB and he made a little “you don’t look your usual self” comment I burst into tears. I have definitely been a bit more emotional and hormonal lately. I mentioned how low baby felt and how off I had been feeling and he had a feel of my tummy as I laid back on the bed and agreed that she did seem to be quite low. He started the scan right after and right after he had the initial look he told me he wanted me back there again in a week (standard visits right now are fortnightly so this is sooner than usual). He went on to do a really thorough scan and said it all look fine but that she is very low  (oh but placenta is now raised – YAY). When I go back next week he is going to do an internal scan to measure my cervix and see what is happening there. If anything weird happens, even of the weekend, I am to go back in but otherwise we are good for now.

I joked that I had been telling Eric that I think the baby is going to come early and he looked right at me and said “I think she is going to come early too”. So it is good to know that while I am anxious and paranoid I’m not a total fruit loop and my instinct about things feeling off may be a little bit right.

Baby is growing like the freaking clappers. She put on 700g in the last two weeks (previous two visits she has put on 600g in 4 weeks so this is a big jump). She is measuring way ahead and I look massive. Eric and I just went back to look at my bump pics from my pregnancy with Monkey and I pretty much look like the 35 week pic. Excellent.

So that’s the last week and a half in a nutshell. I’m anxious. I need to go back and see the head doctor to help out there. Baby has her little head lodged down near my pubic bone. The house still isn’t ready but is closer. I’m tired and slightly off colour. Don’t have a cot yet and feel like my baby is going to come early.

Deep breath out.

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42 thoughts on “Hello Anxiety – 29 weeks 3 days

  1. Hugs, mama! I’m sorry you are going through all of this stress. I’m so glad you went to your doctor early. Now you are being monitored more closely and everything is going to be ok! Everything is going to be ok. As I was reading your post, I started remembering that I began to feel anxious at the beginning of the third trimester with my Lettie pregnancy. So I went back and sure enough, I posted about it at 30 weeks (you can read about it here, if you reeeeeally feel like visiting the past: https://theskyandback.com/2012/05/29/30-weeks-anxiety-city/. You have to promise to ignore my hippie hair, though.). I also posted again about it at 35 weeks. I think anxiety in the third trimester must be normal. You’ve come so far and the thought of losing it all now is just unbearable. But baby is ok. And you are ok. And she will be born healthy and as pretty as a peach! Xo.

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  2. Anxiety sucks! I’m so sorry you’re feeling anxious. I’m normally pretty calm and cool, yet also type A at the same time (I’m really a type A who’s good at pretending I’m a cool cat). I also have anxiety that creeps in unexpectedly and totally throws everything off in my head. Normally when I feel like things are out of my control. It sucks, but I do think that it’s probably pretty normal to be anxious at this part of your pregnancy. You are about to give birth to a long awaited and fought for baby! I’m hoping you are able to locate your zen here pretty quickly, though. Is there anything you can do for yourself that may help you to relax or ease your mind? Maybe pamper yourself a bit (massage, pedicure?) and go on a nesting shopping spree? 🙂 Sending you hugs and well wishes.

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    • I had a nice long hair appt already booked yesterday and that def helped take my mind off things. And I have acupuncture today so all helping. I think I really need to knuckle down and make a birthing meditation part of each day once and for all. I know it will help so I just need to work it into the routine. Xx

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  3. Oh my gosh! That’s a lot!! But, I am so glad that you decided to go ahead and schedule the visit, it is so much better to waste time than spend that time worrying!! And I’m glad that things are are being monitored, there is some comfort in that – and I’m really glad that you are listening to your body and taking it easy when you need to!
    And not gonna lie, I’m okay if she comes early, I’m ready to meet her!

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  4. Oh my gosh, that’s a lot of worry! Of course you feel anxious with all of that going on! Good for you for listening to your body and checking in with your OB. Sending you so much love and as always hoping she continues to grow big and strong!

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  5. That’s a lot of weird random shit to happen to you. Worms?
    Fucking hell, girl, that sucks.
    But look, you have great care of a midwife AND an OB, and they can scan you any time they or you are concerned. Listen to your body, deep breaths, and she is going to be JUST FINE. A nice big plumper by the sounds of it.
    Hang in there, friend. xx

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    • Oh man THE WORMS. Flipping preschool. Disgusting. I was washing towels and sheets are one use for weeks. The workload it brings on a house is insane. But yes I am sure the baby stuff will be fine. Just need to calm the crazy. The plumper she gets the more my vagina hurts just thinking about it lol I’d like her to cool it just a little! Thx love X

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  6. Yikes, that’s a lot!! I’m sorry there’s so much to deal with right now. Insane that the Dr thinks you’re going to deliver early!! Try not to stress about the house stuff…get the rest you need. The house stuff will get done at some point. You need to make sure you and baby girl are doing well right now, not stress about stuff like that. Try to take some deep breaths and relax just a bit. Thinking of you!!! *hugs*

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  7. I’m so glad you got the reassurance that you are not nutty and that she IS low, etc. I know how overwhelming that feeling of “am I being paranoid” thing can be. Take good care of yourself and also of that huge turnip you’re growing inside you! Can’t wait to meet Little Miss Thang! xoxo

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  8. I have no experience in this department but I just wanted to say hello and that I’m thinking of you. The whole thing sounds super stressful (apart from the break – woohoo, that sounds great!) so I hope that you feel a little more at ease now. Sending you hugs xx

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  9. Oh Em. I know what this is like. I’m so glad you saw the OB and he scanned you. And that feeling of something not being quite right is exhausting and so emotionally tiring. The third trimester did this to me too – I obsessed over everything and spent ages googling Every. Single. Thing. I could think of. Kind of as if I could stop any potential tragedy if I knew enough about it. I don’t know if you remember, but baby F engaged really really early and I had daily contractions from 28 weeks. Your body will know what to do this time around so you may find the head lower earlier. I’m really glad they are monitoring you (SO much better than my non-existent care!), and I hope you get through the next two months okay. Great news about the placenta shifting up 😄 xxxxx

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    • Now that you mention it I do remember the contractions. I think I’m getting them too. They are like very sharp twinges in that area but don’t last too long and aren’t at all regular. I’m keen to see my scan results next week. And yes, I am ever so grateful we decided to pay for the OB this time. It really has been worth it for the reassurance and extra level of care. He is a total gem. Xx

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  10. Oh man! Well, the worrying about what’s already done, as you well know, won’t help you out the baby at this point. Still ain’t that easy to shake, I know. Meditation meditation meditation. I felt K really low for quite a while before I started dilating, and even then I was a cm dilated for at least 4-5 weeks before I dilated further. I hope your cervical scan will show nothing to cause concern. Sending you big hugs and a whole lot of *shake it off* cheerleading. She’s hanging in there for a while still. Big, deep, cleansing breaths! Xx

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  11. Whew, that is A LOT to digest for you right now! No wonder you’re feeling anxious. I am going to ask Smoochie to send her a baby telegram to STAY PUT!

    In all seriousness, I totally understand the need to have things in order and more importantly, the worry about baby bring premature. Yes, they can do amazing things now but even if baby girl is measuring ahead you want a few more weeks. I included you and baby in my post meditation prayers this am and I will continue to send a blast of positive energy across the pacific.

    I’m thinking of you – hoping your feet are up, sipping tea and reading something frivolous and fun to take your mind off lingering worries.

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  12. Are you doing that meditation daily, twice daily, etc yet? 🙂 I read this affirmation recently. It’s from a book called What to Say When You Talk to Yourself. He says to use it repeatedly during meditation, brushing teeth, going to bed, on awakening, etc. And our lives will follow… 🙂 (Hey, I’ll try…) I liked this one: “I do not worry. I am in control of my own thinking and I think only those thoughts which create and fulfill the best in me. My mind is constantly in tune with the positive. It is…full of good, positive thoughts and ideas. I am able to relax easily and comfortably in my mind. I am calm, confident, and self-assured…I consciously choose what I think and I always choose those thoughts which are the most positive and beneficial for me [and the baby]. All of my thoughts create healthiness within me [and my baby]. My mind dwells only on those thoughts which create more harmony, balance, and well-being within me and in the world around me….”

    Well, bottom line is thinking of you and hoping this little burst of brain activity slows down for you. Maybe it has already?

    Terri

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  13. Wow. I had a tough pregnancy. morning sickness throughout the entire thing and in the last trimester the worst case of diarrhea which I found out was signs of labor. My daughter was due Christmas but didn’t show up until January 2. I hope all is well for you!

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