Well that was unexpected – the great GENDER REVEAL – 11 weeks

Well holy moly it has been an exhausting couple of days. We had to drive 6+ hours each way to the wedding (so that was 6+ on Sat, wedding which involved a 1 hour drive each way to the ceremony location, late night and 6+ hour drive home) and my morning sickness decided to really step on out and let me know that I am actually not done with it at all. I didn’t set myself up well for snacks for the drive either which was a big mistake. I think I underestimated how much I actually graze during the day to keep the sickly feeling at bay. So sorry it has taken me until now to update you on our big news. I envisioned typing this post on my phone in the car but I couldn’t really bare to look at the screen AT ALL.

The whole gender reveal moment turned out really perfectly. Once Eric finished work on Friday evening he came to the big house (we were staying at his big house near the beach that he had built a year or so ago, it is usually leased but vacant for last week so we decided to stay there for fun, it is beautiful) and I woke up when he came to bed. It was a lovely night – really warm – so I had the door open to the balcony off the main bedroom. There had been a big storm so we could see the lightening over the ocean and hear the waves crashing down. Monkey was asleep in bed with me and it is a big king sized bed so we decided to let him sleep between us. We huddled up together over our beautiful son and opened the email from the clinic to discover…

WE ARE HAVING A GIRL!!!!!

I cannot even begin to tell you how surprised we both were. The news made us very emotional and we both shed a tear. Part of it was happiness. I have always wanted a little girl but have never allowed myself to have that feeling as I felt certain I would be the mum of boys. So there was some pure joy in that emotion. And I felt really warm and fuzzy about Eric getting to have a Daddy’s girl as I know he will be such a great father to a girl. I have a terrible father and the fact that I know my daughter won’t have to have that experience really overwhelms me emotionally.

But there was also a bit of sadness in the emotion as well as we grieved the story we had in our heads for our son. We had this grand vision of Monkey having this great brother relationship and because of that story I probably wanted a boy more than I did a girl. Not to an extreme degree – I’m not devastated about this at all – but just a small amount. So we both spent the weekend grieving the loss of that story in our minds which sounds stupid, I know. There are so many people on this blog who are yet to even have their first baby so this sort of strange response to gender must seem ludicrous. Not to mention the fact that we have tried for so long for this baby. Honestly any gender is fine with us, we just want a healthy baby. Yet we have still have this ludicrous response. I know I have thought it ludicrous when I have seen it in the past so I am really surprised to be experiencing it for myself. The mind is a funny thing.

It doesn’t help that I saw my mum at the wedding on the weekend and I was annoyed by her more than I adored her which is this ongoing thing I seem to have with her these days. I’m not really sure why it is such a thing for me as really, my mum is pretty great. She is supportive and loving and she did a freaking awesome job of raising us three kids pretty much on her own. We are all well spoken, educated and successful adults and all the kudos goes to her. So why do I struggle with my relationship with her? I have no idea. I remember when I became disjointed from her and that was when I fell pregnant with Monkey and I ran up to tell her (it was Christmas time and I was visiting with them) and the first thing she said to me was “Oh don’t get too excited, it’s very early”. And all I could think was what a fucking killjoy. And then later that day as I was pigging out on apricots – APRICOTS not lollies – she said “Be care how much you eat. You will end up like the side of a house if you aren’t careful. You still need to lose those kgs after the baby comes.” WTF? They were APRICOTS.

Anyway this stuff isn’t a big deal, right? I mean it is annoying and yeah I could be annoyed with her but why am I hanging onto it almost 5 years later and letting it affect my relationship with my mum? So you can see how I might transfer all this crap about my relationship with my mum to fears over what my relationship will be like with my daughter. Hence the weird response to those test results. I think I need some therapy over all this. I need to get this shit sorted out so I can feel close with my mum again and so I can make the most of my relationship with my daughter.

I have a good friend locally who said she was really taken aback when her second was a girl (after having a boy first) for similar reasons so I’m glad I’m not alone. And she said her hubby was quite weird about it it too for while (he totally idolises his daughter now) so I’m kinda glad that we are finding out now and processing these weird emotions so we can get on with being excited about our baby girl and itching for the arrival of all things girly into our life.

SO sorry for the long post to essentially say we are having a girl. Clearly I have a lotΒ going on in my mind about all this. But it’s cool. I’m starting to think of all things pink and aqua and how I might make her little life beautiful.

Here’s a cute pic from the wedding. Check out that bump already! Freaking massive. Maybe I’m having an elephant?

2015-11-07 21.11.15 HDR

Oh and now Eric definitely wants three kids so one of them can have a same sex sibling. Ha! I am not committing to that right now. Given I’ve still got the vom on the idea of feeling like this again is not an amazing one. But who knows. We shall see. Maybe?

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69 thoughts on “Well that was unexpected – the great GENDER REVEAL – 11 weeks

  1. I’ve been searching and waiting for this post all weekend! I’m so excited for you! I hope you start to get excited for this little girl quickly! I can understand your disappointment, but big brothers are awesome for little sisters! He’ll be so protective of her and take care of her. Hooray!

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    • I am sure I will. I think I just need to go buy some cute pink things and get into the swing of it! lol An excuse to shop hehe And yes Eric was saying that it will be awesome for Monkey when he gets older as all the friends of the little sister will have the hots for him haha. I have two brothers and I adore them so know our kids will have a great bond and love for each other if we foster it which we will do from the very beginning. Sorry to take so long to post!!! hehe

      Liked by 1 person

  2. CONGRATULATIONS!! What wonderful news to hear! So glad to hear that everything is going smoothly other than the morning sickness. Mine was the same – I literally had to graze or day or chunder! xx

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  3. I was stalking your blog all weekend to hear your news! Congratulations! A little girl! Monkey will be an awesome big brother to his little sister, and you and Eric and going to be great parents to her.
    I also have bump envy- how did you get a bump rather then a beer belly?!?! Maybe I’ve got a boy onboard?

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    • hehe yes I took my sweet time! lol Monkey really will be a sweet big brother. I have no idea how things work with the bump thing. My torso isn’t very long so I think my babies have nowhere to go but out!

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  4. Oh. My. Gosh. Well, I toooootally thought you were having a boy. But I am actually almost always wrong, so I shouldn’t be surprised! Anyway, little girls are AWESOME. You are going to completely love it. Seriously. I thought I wanted a boy when I was pregnant with Lettie and now I can’t imagine anything else. I can’t wait to see your sweet girl! Speaking of seeing her, do you guys like Disney or what? I’ve been looking around for half marathons for me, you and MamaJ to run, and there’s a cool one in Disney World. We could run it and then spend some time in Disney with our families. Although, that’s a hike for you (and MamaJ), so I can totally meet you halfway instead. Not even sure where halfway would be, but we can figure it out. Well that was a tangent! Back to congrats! So happy for you.

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  5. Sorry to hear you are having a few mixed emotions about Bubbas gender. It’s understandable when you’ve pictured something and now it’s not that, the brain is weird! Haha. I had that feeling this was a girly but then again it was a 50/50 guess πŸ˜‰ hope you are feeling better-Love the photo of you two. Xx

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    • The brain is SO weird. This response has been really unexpected for me. I think I just need to hit the shops and buy our little lady some cutesy stuff and then I’ll get into the oooo I’m having a girl groove. Thanks hon xx

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  6. You are so beautiful! I’m loving how happy you look these days. When things finally start turning around for us after these wicked battles, the effects are amazing. A girl!!! I’m so excited for you! And I completely understand how you’re feeling. It’s funny, because I always had in my mind that I’d have a girl first, then a boy. Two kids. Just the way both my brother and I were, and just how my half sister and half brother were. Deep down I knew and truly believed that I just wanted a healthy baby, that this dream I had didn’t have to be exactly as I had always imagined it, but I still was pretty convinced from my symptoms that I was probably getting that little boy. When we found out it was another girl, I was really taken aback. I wasn’t quite sure how I felt, I think I really was genuinely surprised. It took me a little while to really feel excited about a girl, but it also took me a long time to feel excited and optimistic about the pregnancy in general too. Now I am SO excited to be having another girl and couldn’t imagine if it were a mistake in my last 3 ultrasounds and a boy were to be born! Of course, the healthy baby part would still be the important part, but still. Totally mind blowing! Monkey is going to be a great big brother, and will be her protector. It won’t be the same as having a wrestling (or rugby) buddy, but it could be! You never know. I know my brother and I don’t have a lot in common, but we’re very similar because of our shared parents, and we love each other a lot. I love that little basket ball in the making you’ve got!! Xx

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    • I think this is one of the nicest messages I have ever received on my blog. Thank you πŸ™‚ It is nice to know I am not alone with the gender thing. We were quite taken aback too and truly surprised. It is kinda nice to have such a surprise as with Monkey I was more than 100% certain he was a boy. This time I prob felt 60-70% boy but I just had the story in my head to make up the other %! It is crazy what the mind does. Thank you for your support. You are just lovely xxx

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  7. Yay, I so had a feeling it was a girl. That’s so exciting and your bump is so cute!!!! I think your reaction to the news is to be expected if you’ve always pictured your family panning out a certain way. But now you have 6 months or so to get used to all the pink and aqua combinations you can make!! So excited for you x x x

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    • Awww thanks. I can’t believe there is so much of one already! And yes I am sure once I start planning nursery space and buying baby things that the excitement will build πŸ™‚ xxx

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  8. I read the title “well that was unexpected…” And I was like what??? Boy, girl, CHICKEN???
    So relieved that you are still having a human baby.
    You are on the money with the shopping for a girl. Sometimes I feel like buying things for girls cos they are SO STINKING CUTE. Plus, accessories!!!
    Congrats honey bun. I’m so happy for you. You look truly happy.

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  9. Isn’t it incredible we can find out so early? Congratulations! I wanted a girl really badly, but we were both a bit terrified at first when the sex was confirmed as being two girls.

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    • Oh good. Glad I have a fellow freaked out person. hehe It really is amazing we can find out so early now. I’m not sure how I even feel about it. I am only just starting to feel pregnant and I can find out the sex. It’s bizarre. But we did it and probably would again!

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  10. What a lovely picture of you both and congrats on having a little girl. Sounds like you’re pretty aware of stuff having s daughter brings up and that thoughtfulness will be a huge benefit to your relationship I’m sure. Xx

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        • Oh I’m so sorry to hear that. 😦 Have you ever read the book It Starts with the Egg by Rebecca Fett? It is a great read and very easy. She quotes actual scientific research to back up her position which I really liked about it. You don’t have to do everything but I have seen a lot of bloggers implement taking melatonin for egg quality after reading this book and go on to see a massive improvement in embryo numbers, quality and achievement of pregnancy. My clinic (which is Monash) have done a lot of research with Melatonin and find it to be successful which is why I was priming with it both times I was prepping for IVF rounds recently and as you know both times I fell pregnant. You can pick up the book pretty cheaply on Kindle. Here is the link to the website about the book: http://www.itstartswiththeegg.com/

          Just thought I’d pass the info on. It might be worth asking your clinic about the melatonin. xx

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            • Oh and in the book she says only take Melatonin for stims but I took it for the month prior to when I would be stimming. I was supposed to continue through stimming and stop it at egg collection. Do you follow workingwomensivf? She is an Aussie down in Tassie and she took melatonin this round (now preggers with twins and some in the freezer after having big troubles getting her embies to day 5 ever). You’d have to scope out her blog for when she took it but I think she had it for her whole down reg and then her stim phase. x

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  11. Beautiful. You both look great!– I love my mother and mother-in-law, but rather than becoming closer to them with time, I’ve felt more distanced. It’s like, as I come to want them more as a friend/confidant (and now that they don’t have to “parent” me and can take that role), they aren’t capable of stepping into that role. It’s weird. I so want them to and so want to hear all their thoughts and opinions (not that I have to do it–just want to hear). Don’t know if this makes sense. — Anyhow, I’m a mother of daughters. I love it. (My mother is a mother of four females also.) But I do totally get that you mourn in a sense the loss of what you thought. I kind of mourn a little the fact that I’ll never experience raising a boy. Have a good week!—-Terri

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    • Ah that’s exactly how I feel with my mum! I feel like there has been more distance over time, like she doesn’t really get me as an adult of something. Whenever I am telling her something she always seems to assume a different perspective than what I was trying to say. It’s odd. Like she doesn’t know me?!?! Anyway this has been great information for me so thank you for sharing. You can give me all the tips for parenting daughters! Given you have four you must be somewhat skilled at it πŸ˜‰

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      • It is strange with our mothers like that. I know. Sometimes, I get a glimpse of how we used to talk with each other and share but not usually. I look so forward to the days when my girls are grown and we can talk and debate and have fun sharing.– Anyhow, this is about YOU! You look great! Grow little girl, grow! And Mama, too!

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    • Oh and you look lovely! You have a perfect baby bump. And tell Eric he can’t talk about having another until your princess is at least a year.

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      • It’s soooo tricky. I feel like I have to know about no 3 sooner rather than later as I will be 5 months off 40 when this little lady is born! Eeeeep! I think it might be one for nature and its course πŸ˜‰

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  12. You are so cute! And look at that sweet bump! Congrats on the happy news, a baby girl is amazing!! And don’t feel bad for feeling like you’re mourning the loss of a brother for Monkey. Having a brother doesn’t necessarily mean they will be close, I have 3 older brothers who aren’t close at all! Yet I’m quite close with 2 of them.

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    • Yeah that’s so true. You can’t control sibling relationships at all. I have 2 brothers and I adore them both so Monkey and his little sis have every opp for a great relationship πŸ™‚ How interesting that your 3 brothers aren’t close at all!

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  13. Wohoo! A wee girlie, so you’ll have one of each πŸ™‚ Congratulations and you look absolutely gorgeous. I know – gender can be a weird one. I was really worried that E would be a girl as I’m not the girliest and the females in my family are, well, in many cases properly, certifiably nuts. But it turns out that she loves climbing trees and playing in the mud as much as I do. Then I was really worried that this one would be a boy as I wouldn’t know what to do. Just pregnancy madness I guess.
    By the way: you can try and pass off Thomas Haden Church as a man named “Eric”, but I’m not falling for it πŸ˜‰ xx

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    • Haha too funny. I had to look up who that was! I’ve heard Gordon Ramsey before but not this dude.

      Gender really can be a bit strange. I had a nice dream about buying some girl baby clothes last night so that was fun. My brain is coming around. Xx

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  14. That is a gorgeous picture – and look at that baby bump!!!! The moment you found out about the gender sounds like a movie scene – just beautiful. I am so over the moon for you. And OMG A GIRL!!!!!!!! For some reason, I thought it would be a boy, so that just shows what I know. One of the really brilliant things about finding out the gender is that you have time to process emotions surrounding your expectations and subconscious desires for your child. As you say – you can get the grieving for the imagined brother relationship done now, leaving you free once the baby arrives to really appreciate what you have. And my goodness – I completely get what you are saying about worrying about your relationship with your own mum and how that would impact you as a mum to a girl. That’s the whole reason I starting seeing a counsellor in the end. My mother basically neglected my brother and I through our childhood, and she left us with Dad when I was 15 and my brother was 9. I have absolutely no idea what it feels like to have a mother that you really adore and am totally bemused by all the crazy mothers day messages I see on Facebook every year. I was terrified from really early on that this would be a girl and I just wouldn’t bond with her because I have no real love for my own mother… ugh. Anyway, counselling has been great (I still haven’t written about that), and has really helped how I feel about being a mother overall. Also, I’m worried if I have a girl, I’ll relive the loss of the boy we had last year… ANYWAYYYYYY enough about me me me, I’m just saying that I completely get your concerns and there is still an emotional process around the gender after infertility, despite the gratitude of being pregnant. Wonderful, wonderful news, and I am so happy for you both πŸ™‚ I reckon Monkey is gonna LOVE being a big brother πŸ™‚ xxxxx

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    • Yeah I think he will love it too. I actually thought of you when I was writing this post as you’d alluded to the mum stuff previously. I think I will do some therapy around it all too as I would really like to better connect with my mum again. And like you say it can also help with how you feel about being a mum in general. Can’t believe you are so close now!! Xx

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      • Definitely do it – it is SO worth it. I had my last session this morning and we have covered so much and uncovered so much. I feel like this enormous amount of baggage I had been carrying around has been cleared out. I finally feel like it’s okay that I’m not crazy about my mum, and I don’t expect her to be a “proper” mum any more. And best of all, I’ve managed to separate my own fears and feelings about being a good mother from the awful family legacy of generations of abuse and then neglect. Big changes, and hopefully good ones. Oh I am so excited for you having a baby girl!!!!!! You are gonna be an awesome mum all over again and I can’t wait πŸ™‚

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  15. (I’m behind reading but…) Congratulations!! That is great, and I’m super excited, I think a girl is awesome, you’ll get to buy such cute clothes! And when she is there, you’ll laugh at the doubts y’all had now! πŸ™‚ And great picture of you and Eric and baby bump!!!

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