Even though I knew it was going to be a long week this weeks till sucked arse. It creeped on by and made me a decent amount of both sad and crazy. Friday in particular (THE miscarriage day) was a real shocker.
But I made it. We have now hit the 7 week zone and I guess I am still pregnant. I mean, I won’t really know until the scan on Wednesday and that completely terrifies me but for all intents and purposes I am still preggo. There has been no blood, I’m getting the symtpoms, the signs are good. Well good enough I guess.
This week good old nausea and food aversions and cravings set in. Coffee was struck from the menu for most of the week and I seem to have a penchant for cool fresh things like fruit in the mornings. I’ve had to ditch the acupuncturist herbs as I just couldn’t stomach them anymore and potato! Oh how I love potato! Good food tastes GREAT. When I nail it I become ravenous and need a second helping of whatever it is I just ate. This has manifested itself in a total weight gain so far of 800g which seems like maybe too much so early? I’m not sure. I just know I’m not going hungry
Of course all these symptoms went away completely on Friday, which was 6 weeks 5 days aka THE DAY OF MISCARRIAGE from my last pregnancy. Freaking inconvenient timing. But thankfully I woke at about 3am with aching breasts again and all was right with the world. My nausea hasn’t come back to the same level since but I think this is kind of how I do things, in waves. I don’t remember being all that sick with Monkey either, just a bit nauseous and picky about food, so maybe that is just me (sorry my friends who are pregnancy hurlers, you must be wishing you were me right now).
My emotions have been off the charts cuckoo. I watched this awesome kindness experiment clip on Thursday. Bawled. Just bawled that people could be so kind. You should watch it, it’s beautiful.
THEN yesterday I went hunting for a new show on Netflix and finally decided to click on Friday Night Lights and give it a go. This is a kinda odd show for an Australian as we don’t do high school football teams and we don’t do American Football at all really but I’ve binged watched quite a few episodes so obviously I don’t hate it. Anyway in the first episode the star quarterback gets smashed in the game and you just know it is bad and oh my fucking god I sobbed. It was snotty and noisy and messy and a proper cry. You’d have thought I knew the guy and this was real life. I actually wondered if I’d be able to continue watching the show at all I was so distraught. I’ve had a spinal injury so maybe it was linking into that experience for me but man, extreme reaction.
So yeah, hormones are in full swing there. I suspect they are exacerbated by stress as well but yeah, it’s all happening.
I am completely 100% terrified that I am going to rock up to the scan on Wed and there is going to be no heartbeat and the baby is measuring so far behind and all that other crap stuff that can happen at the early scan. Eric is coming with me so we will try to make a nice morning of it. I can’t really rationalise the fear so I just have to let it be. Oh the other thing that is terrifying me right now is the fucking snake thing. Argh. Dreamt I had 4 in my house the other night. Obviously that whole experience is sitting with me just a tad. The snake guy did a video of the capture if you’d like to check it out. It’s pretty cool.
Eric and I are in a GREAT place right now. It is so weird. We have never been so connected and it’s reciprocal which is nice. We are actually feeling all nice and warm and fuzzy about each other. We are even talking about living together?!?!?!?! I KNOW. He turned up yesterday to get Monkey and gushed at me about how beautiful I was looking and that’s not the first time lately. It’s lovely. Slightly weird too but lovely. We’ll see what comes of that.
So that’s that. That’s what my week has been like. Slow but mostly reassuring in terms of signs I guess. And it’s nice to be at 7 weeks and not be bleeding. This is the furthest I have made it so far while trying to conceive my second baby so it is quite the milestone.
Now on that note, I’m going to go off and shed a tear about that.
Three more sleeps to go for the scan. I will update you all on the day.