This might as well be me.
Obsess. That’s the thing I wasn’t going to do.
I wasn’t going to obsess over when my new cycle might start as I knew it would be weird with the miscarriage last month. And I was just going to be a chilled out little monkey in a Just call me Yoda kind of way. But guess what? I’m actually not a Just call me Yoda kinda girl. I’d like to be. But I’m not. And I should know this by now.
It was the same when I had Monkey. I wanted to be all earth mother and go with the flow and just be one of those natural easy going mums but NEWSFLASH: I’m not a natural easy going person. I’m a little OCD, I like structure and rules and knowing what happens when and where. We struggled along for 6 months of go with the flow parenting that wasn’t actually flowing before I figured it out. The instant I started a routine it changed both our lives in the most amazing way. Monkey is my kid after all. He likes structure too.
Anyhoo, how does that relate to this month? Well I’ve been symptom spotting like crazy as I knew that ovulation had passed. And I even thought that I was seeing some signs (because my brain is desperate) and then yesterday I got up and went to the loo and boom – there was BLOOD; a good week before I expected anything too (even though I had no expectations remember because YODA). Weird. So weird. But it’s not enough blood to call the clinic and say “hey dude, I got my period, let’s start IVF”. It’s just spotting. I never even normally get spotting! Fucking body has gone a bit loopy.
So I got up this morning and still spotting. So my brain is currently doing this thing where one half says Your period is on its way, just wait. And the other half says Maybe it’s implantation bleeding. Huh? Huh? Maybe!
I’m inclined to think I’m about to get my period to be honest and that kinda excites me. I can cycle again and it will be sooner than anticipated. THIS I love the idea of. But at the same time I don’t want to get toooooo excited in case it doesn’t start this week.
You guys, infertility is such a head fuck. Tell me I’m not the only one doing the crazy head talk dance.
The Secret Life of Emily Maine 
No, you are not the only one who does this. You nailed it with your second last sentence. It absolutely is x
LikeLike
Man I can’t wait until I can get off this roller coaster. Too many dips! x
LikeLike
First, totally normal response to symptom spot waiting for your body to return to normal. Second, I hate to say it, but you may spot off and on for a few weeks before you get a real period. Or you might just spot this period and get a real period for your next one (i.e in a month, assuming you have regular cycles). Even though symptom spotting is normal right now, it’s also totally normal for your body to do things that make absolutely no sense to you rationally. Sadly, one thing I know for-sure is that your body may take it’s sweet time to reset which is absolutely a head fuck.
LikeLike
It so is. Thankfully, that isn’t the case for me after all. As soon as I pushed send on this post I got up and made a coffee and went oooo better go to the loo and full flow. So that means….CLINIC TOMORROW AND STIMS. I am beyond excited to get started. I am so ready. SO READY. x
LikeLike
That’s just awesome! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
We are all crazy symptom spotters it cannot be helped! Sounds like I will be around a week behind you this month as will be starting atoms next Monday all going well! Fingers crossed it is our month!!
LikeLike
Ooooo I so hope so. Stoked to have you as a cycle buddy xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re so much like me it isn’t even funny. I suppose I won’t say to much else here, since #1 I read your response to MPB above and #2 I know you already wrote another post. So off I go!
LikeLike
haha oh the crazy brains we have!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
How on earth could anybody be zen and chill going through the shite that you’ve been going through? I’d be a farking basket case. x
LikeLike
haha I AM a basket case. But I think you got that 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Talk about spoiler alert! I already read the title of your post after this one… 🙂 But! I’m sorry you felt frustrated with crazy ass symptoms. I keep telling myself throughout this to expect the unexpected, prob not the best advice for OCD type people though
LikeLike
bahahaha yeah I do TRY the zen route and the brain trickery. We can only do our best. 🙂 But yes, slight spoiler alert because it all happened close together this morning lol
LikeLike
It is just the biggest head fuck out. I agree. I’m also with you on the structure stuff, I think I’d parent that way too
LikeLike
Of course this would happen! Of course. (Sarcastic tone implied there.) You couldn’t just have period. Could you? (Now seeing I need to go read the other post first. I just glanced at the comments above.) I’m outta’ here to go see what’s happening. Can’t wait.
LikeLike
He he
LikeLike
Oh my gosh, I am ALL about symptom spotting at the moment. I couldn’t do temperature stuff this cycle because it was all blown out by the surgery and infection and what not so I am all about the symptoms.
Infertility is a bitch, why can’t I just get drunk, take a roll in the hay and end up up the duff like normal girls hahaha.
LikeLike
haha sooooo true! I wish that for all of us.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thinking about it this is probably something people do not normally wish on each other HAHAHA, but I totally wish it for all of us too 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person