I’m doing OK

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I just thought I should report in and let you know that I’m doing OK. I had my final beta yesterday and it had dropped from 2700 on Friday to 1300 so there are no miracles in this womb today.

Mostly I am doing fine. I’ve been busy because I work and I have a 3 year old and that’s just life. There is no peace to experience a miscarriage here. Of course this week I happen to have the busiest week ever – I’m working 3 full days which I don’t normally do PLUS Eric is away for the weekend so I’m on full time parenting duty with no break in sight. Fucking Murphy and his stupid law.

I have moments of devastation. A friend offered to take Monkey overnight one night so that Eric and i could have time together and that moved me to tears. And yesterday was a day of blood gushing (it literally pours out of you – it’s awful) and at one point it surprised me so much that I became overwhelmed with grief at what it represented. But mostly I am fine.

I have an appointment with the specialist next Wednesday. We will do another blood then and see where the HCG is at. I will also have a scan to see if anything is hanging around. At that point they will decide whether or not I need a D&C or if my body has done the job naturally. I am keen to get moving on the next cycle so we don’t waste too much time so I am waiting to hear back on when I can start my priming again. Might as well get this show on the road.

And that’s it. That’s where we are at. And I’m doing OK.

67 thoughts on “I’m doing OK”

  3. Huge hugs to you. You are being so stoic but I hope you find time to grieve for the loss in your own way. So sorry you are going through this xxx

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  4. Love you, girl. And fuck Murphy! Seriously. You should take your friend up on that offer, for reals. I’ve been, and will continue to, keep you in my thoughts. You will get through this and there will be wonderful things waiting on the other side. Xoxo.

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  9. Awe sweetie, I’m so sorry. I wish I could wrap you up in a giant hug and cry with you, because sometimes a good cry is the best thing you can do. Sending you love and hoping your body resolves this on it’s own so you can avoid surgery. Lots of love to you.

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  11. I’m so very sorry for all of this. I know how happy and hopeful you (and all of us) were for this to be it. I hope that your body can do what it needs to on its own so that you don’t need a D&C, and so you can get moving past this as quick as you want to. Hang in there, and let me know if you need to “talk”! *hugs*

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  12. I am so sorry you are going thru this. I am currently waiting for my hcg results to come back as well. I just had a laparoscopic ectopic removal one week as of yesterday. I will be sending prayers your way.

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  18. I am so sorry hun. I was so very hopeful and I know you were too. There is no right or wrong way to feel or be about this, so do whatever you feel you need to.
    Fuck Murphy! Murphy is a dick! Let’s vote him off!

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  20. I’ve been thinking of you every day and wondering how you are doing. Sometimes busyness is a blessing – it removes the time to sit and ponder how awful the situation is. I also hope you get a bit of grieving time soon too, where you can be on your own and have a good cry. I carried on through all sorts, but it was the quiet moments on my own where I just cried and wallowed that really helped me take a deep breath and move on. Wishing you a speedy and complete recovery. Having to wait around afterwards for things to finish is endlessly frustrating when you are mentally ready to take the next steps. And I know you know this, but one of the things I always hung onto through each of our losses was the fact that the hormone changes statistically make a positive difference to the outcome of future cycles. I wish I could fix this for you – I thought this one was going to fly through to the end with no problems. Sending you love and still here cheering you on for your bravery and inspiring attitude xxxxx

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    • Oh man this physical part seems to take forever. This is day 4 (although day 1 started after lunch) and I’m still losing so many clots. And today it was like all my symptoms came back which I’ve read can happen because your hormones are in chaos. Man. And I just feel a bit sick. I hope this doesn’t go on for too long. It’s awful. Thankfully today I didn’t have to work after all. I work for a friend and she knows what is happening so she offered organised a work around and offered me the day off. I was so grateful. I needed a day to lay on the lounge and feel sad and grieve a bit. I still have more grieving to do too. I can feel it. I don’t know how you went through so many losses. You amaze me that you managed to carry on trying but yay that you did because now you have that cute bump!! Thanks for the lovely message xx

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      • I hope it doesn’t drag on. It’s almost impossible to move forward until you feel your body has reached closure over the loss. Sigh. It’s just a horrible place to be. Sending love xxx

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  26. Oh gal, my heart goes out to you. Big, big hugs. Sometimes I’ve had mcs where I needed to crawl under my duvet and stay there for 3 days and other times I needed to keep busy. I say whatever it takes, as long as you feel loved and supported.

    You’ve been in my thoughts every day and I’m sorry this happened. How long will your re want you to wait before you start cycling?

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    • The worst part is all the fucking blood. I am on day 5 and it is still pouring out of me. How long does that last???

      Good news is clinic called yesterday and said Dr wants me to start priming right away which is essentially taking a bunch of supplements. That means first bleed after the m/c I will start stims so this is good. I don’t know if I could have handled a big wait! Hope you are doing well x

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      • I’m really glad your wait won’t be long. My re always insists on 3 months and I hate to sound like a whiner, but 3 months is crazy making and I don’t think emotionally that it’s helpful, either.

        My first mc I bled steadily for 2 weeks, with gushes. My ectopic was about 5 days, sept 2o14 mc was a solid week (with gushes that soaked through clothes) and my March mc was a week. So my average is a week. I hope that helps.

        I also found that the first week I was very emotional, mostly sad. Then I would go through a two week angry phase – sometimes longer. It was harder to express the anger than it was the sadness, so often didn’t know how to soothe myself. I ended up doing a lot of emotional overeating.

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        • Thank you for sharing this info with me. It helps a lot. Makes me feel more “normal”.

          I ended up getting the day off work yesterday so had a sad couch day after the busy days so that really helped. Aside from the gushing blood I actually feel more normal and myself today. I am working and pleased to be. So we will see how it all goes from here. Thanks again for sharing the gory deets x

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  30. I am so very sorry this wasn’t your time. I really hoped it was. I hope the bleeding ends soon and you don’t have to have the D&C and can move on to next treatment as soon as possible. I’ve heard say ladies are more likely to fall pregnant after a miscarriage, I’m not sure if it’s true, but I hope so for you!

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    • Yes I’ve heard that too. I am keen to proceed to our next IVF round so we can have our embryos tested and see if there is an improvement in quality (previously all have been abnormal). Now that we have had the miscarriage this info has become really important to me.

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