I’m calling it

I know you guys want me to stay positive and hope for the miracle but I just know that this isn’t going to be the case for us this time.

Yesterday around lunchtime or so I passed a blood clot. After this consistent bleeding began and it has been a series of blood and clots ever since. I have woken this morning with cramping. I think this, along with all the signs which I’m going to list below, indicates a definite miscarriage.

  1. Complete loss of symptoms (which I previously had)
  2. Waking Saturday morning and feeling that this baby was no longer growing inside me. I just knew. It feels different.
  3. Dodgy beta on Friday – it didn’t not go up enough for someone who was 6 weeks pregnant. I suspect it was already on its way down.
  4. Loss of blood and clots on a consistent basis for about 18 hours now.

I emailed the clinic again last night and asked if based on the blood loss I could get another beta this week. I have a full on work day today so rather than kill myself trying to get out for bloods I’ll probably just leave it until tomorrow.

Thank you so much for all your support. You guys are amazing. I don’t know where I would be without you.

I told way too many people I was pregnant and I was convinced that this baby, conceived out of nowhere and such a surprise, was going to be the baby we got to take home from hospital. I haven’t given up yet. We will go into another IVF round as soon as they let us. I will have another baby. I feel it.

I am so sad to not feel pregnant anymore. It is such an amazing feeling even from the very beginning when symptoms are so slight. I felt full with growing life. It was beautiful and I was blessed to have that gift even for such a short time.

Onwards we go…

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41 thoughts on “I’m calling it

  1. I’m so sorry, and so sad for you. I hope you had some good quiet time last night…well, it was night here anyway when we were “talking”. I hope that your office can get you in so you can have some confirmation one way or another. If you need anything please let me know. *hugs*

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  2. A truly great life is one where you can find the gifts and good in anything. Doesn’t mean this doesn’t suck but does mean you are pretty remarkable. Onward indeed.

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  3. Oh I am so sorry for you, I really am. I have been thinking about you these past few days and hoping it will turn out ok, I’m sorry to hear that it’s not to be this time. Look after yourself & hopefully next time you will get a happier ending. Big hugs to you xxx

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  4. I’m so sorry Em. I’m so sorry at how hard this journey has been for you guys and how cruel it can be. Don’t stop believing, i know you won’t and I know you will get there soon. xx

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  5. Oh Em, my heart is breaking for you. I read this and felt so unbelievable sad – you have been cheated out of pregnancy again and it’s just not fair. Big big hugs to you my friend. I am so sorry xxxxx

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    • Thanks my lovely friend. I know you know just how this feels and it breaks my heart you had to do it so many times. Fucking awful. Thanks for the thoughts. I’ll get my little whipper snapper just like you. Just gotta keep on going. xx

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  6. Oh no, I am so very sorry to hear this. Such terrible and heartbreaking news love my heart is aching for you. I hope the clinic is able to get you in as soon as possible. I know there is a baby in your future. So many virtual hugs coming your way xx

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  7. I had bleeding and a massive blod clot as well. Turns out, was a subchorionic hematoma (blood clots in the uterus). I was shocked when I went in for an ultrasound and saw two babies moving around on the screen. Maybe it’s not a miscarriage and I hope for you that its not. Thinking of you and sending you love!

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