Well, AF that rotten bitch (she’s never nice, is she?) STILL hasn’t shown up. I was almost losing the plot about it all yesterday. I actually got myself quite depressed about it and could barely move off the couch in the afternoon as I was feeling all woe is me.
I got up today with a much better attitude. Last night my neighbour reminded me that the date my cycle starts actually isn’t my responsibility. And that if the days won’t work well that it is actually the clinic’s job to figure that out – not mine. I just report in with the info and it’s up to them to work out how I get my meds and start my needles on Day 3. As I’m such a control freak I have such a tendancy to want to be the one who organises everything. It is like I have to find the solution even when the problem doesn’t belong to me.
So the day started much better with this thought although to say that I wasn’t worried at all would be a lie.
I actually had to work this morning and it was probably the best thing I could have done. I worked in the office with my friend so it was nice and social and also rather distracting. When I left it was after midday and still no AF (It is now Thursday here) so it meant that even if she rocked up this afternoon that Friday would be counted as my Day 1. And how was that meant to work if I couldn’t go in the clinic until Monday which is Day 4 and meds need to start at Day 3?
Well you know how it works? You call the clinic and you find out. So I did that. And boy am I glad I did. You know why? Because (don’t fall over), I was wrong! They actually do take cycle related appointments on a Saturday morning for just this very reason.
So my instructions are if my Day 1 is anytime tomorrow where there is enough time for me to get up there and get all the bits and pieces done then I go then. If it is too late in the afternoon then call and arrange a time for Saturday morning. Then if AF arrives Saturday or later then I just have to rock up at 730am Monday morning and be the first cab off the rank.
It will all be OK. I called Eric and told him all this. He laughed and called me a nutcase. Totally reasonable response as it is so freaking true.
I also got to speak to my client today about the possibility of being AWOL Monday morning and she was cool as a cucumber about it. Which I knew she would be. I just want to be an overachiever and never have to ask. But I just have to let this shit go…….all the way to Elsa and the Frozen castle.
My session with the Fertility Coach this afternoon was brilliant. I highly recommend this for those who stress out a lot during cycles. She really does help to give me perspective on this shit.
Her view? So what if your period is late? What difference does it make when it starts really? It doesn’t change the outcome of your cycle.
And actually if it is going to change the outcome of my cycle it is probably only for the better as the longer she takes to arrive, the longer I have to keep nurturing my body and creating the perfect little nesting ground for my follicles and my baby. This is good! Although I’ve eaten some less than nurturing food the last day or so….need to get back on the bike. I’m such an emotional eater!
We also agreed on some little visualisations I can do when I do my needles every day. I have this image of my ovaries being all lush with fresh soil. The stims is the fertiliser and my follicles are like little seedlings that will burst and grow out of the soil. I love it! Meanwhile the uterus will become lush and green and full of little hills and valleys, perfect to nestle a nice little baby. I don’t always get into this visualisation shit very well but I really enjoyed that one today and it is something I can commit to for just a few deep breaths after I do my stims each morning.
So that’s about that. I am much saner this afternoon than I was this morning or yesterday. This will happen when it happens and it will all work out fine. I just have to keep on believing and master my zen.