IVF #4 – It’s all going to be OK

Well, AF that rotten bitch (she’s never nice, is she?) STILL hasn’t shown up. I was almost losing the plot about it all yesterday. I actually got myself quite depressed about it and could barely move off the couch in the afternoon as I was feeling all woe is me.

I got up today with a much better attitude.  Last night my neighbour reminded me that the date my cycle starts actually isn’t my responsibility. And that if the days won’t work well that it is actually the clinic’s job to figure that out – not mine. I just report in with the info and it’s up to them to work out how I get my meds and start my needles on Day 3. As I’m such a control freak I have such a tendancy to want to be the one who organises everything. It is like I have to find the solution even when the problem doesn’t belong to me.

So the day started much better with this thought although to say that I wasn’t worried at all would be a lie.

I actually had to work this morning and it was probably the best thing I could have done. I worked in the office with my friend so it was nice and social and also rather distracting. When I left it was after midday and still no AF (It is now Thursday here) so it meant that even if she rocked up this afternoon that Friday would be counted as my Day 1. And how was that meant to work if I couldn’t go in the clinic until Monday which is Day 4 and meds need to start at Day 3?

Well you know how it works? You call the clinic and you find out.  So I did that. And boy am I glad I did. You know why? Because (don’t fall over), I was wrong!  They actually do take cycle related appointments on a Saturday morning for just this very reason.

So my instructions are if my Day 1 is anytime tomorrow where there is enough time for me to get up there and get all the bits and pieces done then I go then. If it is too late in the afternoon then call and arrange a time for Saturday morning. Then if AF arrives Saturday or later then I just have to rock up at 730am Monday morning and be the first cab off the rank.

It will all be OK. I called Eric and told him all this. He laughed and called me a nutcase. Totally reasonable response as it is so freaking true.

I also got to speak to my client today about the possibility of being AWOL Monday morning and she was cool as a cucumber about it. Which I knew she would be. I just want to be an overachiever and never have to ask. But I just have to let this shit go…….all the way to Elsa and the Frozen castle.

********************

My session with the Fertility Coach this afternoon was brilliant. I highly recommend this for those who stress out a lot during cycles. She really does help to give me perspective on this shit.

Her view? So what if your period is late? What difference does it make when it starts really? It doesn’t change the outcome of your cycle. 

Sound.

And actually if it is going to change the outcome of my cycle it is probably only for the better as the longer she takes to arrive, the longer I have to keep nurturing my body and creating the perfect little nesting ground for my follicles and my baby. This is good! Although I’ve eaten some less than nurturing food the last day or so….need to get back on the bike. I’m such an emotional eater!

We also agreed on some little visualisations I can do when I do my needles every day. I have this image of my ovaries being all lush with fresh soil. The stims is the fertiliser and my follicles are like little seedlings that will burst and grow out of the soil. I love it! Meanwhile the uterus will become lush and green and full of little hills and valleys, perfect to nestle a nice little baby. I don’t always get into this visualisation shit very well but I really enjoyed that one today and it is something I can commit to for just a few deep breaths after I do my stims each morning.

So that’s about that. I am much saner this afternoon than I was this morning or yesterday. This will happen when it happens and it will all work out fine. I just have to keep on believing and master my zen.

Adios amigos!

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28 thoughts on “IVF #4 – It’s all going to be OK

  1. I am total control freak as well – it causes me so much stress. It’s just typical AF wouldn’t show when you wanted her to! I’m glad you’ve got it all sorted and I love the visualisation 🙂 X

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  2. I think the issue is we have to relinquish so much control in this process that anything we can take control over we do!! I too am waiting for AF to arrive but praying with all my being that it doesn’t! Hope she comes for you soon xx

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  3. It’s all going to be ok! This happens to me all the time — I’ll spend days freaking out about something and then make a simple phone call or ask a simple question and realized that I never needed to worry in the first place! I’m glad you got that all figured out and are back to being good!

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  4. I’m the exact same way about the control issues. I need to know when everything is happening and why…hell right now I’m stressing because I’m trying to figure out exactly when we will transfer so I’ll know exactly when we’ll know whether or not it works! We get ourselves so worked up over this stuff, but it’s so true that none of our stress will help or change anything. If only there was a switch we could flip in our brains to stop the stress and need to control!
    It sounds like either way it will all work out. I like the visualizations she gave you for your stims! When I did mine, I took a deep breath as I positioned the needle, and let it out slow as I inserted and injected. It helped a lot!

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  5. I hope AF arrives soon but you sound like you are doing an excellent job of trying to manage stressful thoughts. The visualization idea is interesting – I feel like I would get too distracted with it and do the needle wrong but it’s great it works for you because giving yourself needles is not the greatest. Fingers crossed for you for this cycle x

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  6. I love that you called your clinic and that you got everything sorted out! It sounds to me like no matter when AF arrives they will work with you to make sure you get the testing done when you need it, and that’s pretty awesome! Also, I love Eric’s response, because let’s face it we all are a bit nutty from time to time. 🙂

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  7. I haven’t had AF in 2 years now! I remember how frustrating it was when she didn’t show up on time! Especially when you were planning your life around her visit!

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  8. I am glad you are feeling so much better about everything and that you called them and now know that there are extra options. It will all be fine.
    It is true that we cannot control AF, she is a tide unto herself and no amount of demanding, coaxing or bribing will make her come any earlier that she is ready to. So rude!
    You are doing everything you can that is within your control and that is the important thing to remember.

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  9. I am just catching up with everything, as my wordpress apparently decided for me that I didn’t need to follow your blog. Ugh, am I the only one who’s having this problem? Anyway, everything sounds great and I totally sympathize with the control freak/crazy-making unpredictable nature of all of this. Hoping everything works out perfectly this time around with the new doc and new approach.

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    • Oh yes I think this happens for most of us from time to time. We somehow unfollow a blog. it’s weird. Anyway, glad you found me again 🙂 Thanks for the lovely wishes. I hope so much that this is our magic cycle.

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