I keep searching my brain for an appropriate sound of exclamation but there just isn’t one.
Actually, there is.
What the actual fuck?
I found a goddam breast lump. Because I don’t have enough going on in my life right now.
I just had this thought the other night that I hadn’t done a check in awhile so I felt myself up for a bit before I drifted off to sleep. At the time I thought it was probably just the way I was laying or something equally weird so I put a note in my phone to remind me to recheck the following day. I then had Eric check this morning and when he said ‘yes, I definitely feel a lump there’ I finally went OH. Well that’s not good.
Anyway, I took myself off to the Dr today and managed to get into see my favourite one – YAY (the clinic has a bunch but I have one that I call my Dr but she is notoriously hard to get into on short notice). She gave me a referral for an ultrasound and then a mammogram if needed. I am booked for both on Wednesday morning. Apparently they just cancel the mammogram if it is not required. At least I don’t have to wait for that test. I like the organisation..
SO, the lump itself isn’t hard and is still movable so these things are apparently a good sign but my friend who has just finished radiation treatment also had a lump that wasn’t hard and was still movable but it was cancer so I feel a little cautious about it.
Instinctively I feel like it is going to be fine. I do.
I do have a strong family history of breast cancer – Nanna (who went on to die from secondaries as discovered too late), aunty – maternal (who got it in her 40s, had a recurrence in 50s and has had a breast removed), 2 aunties – paternal – both diagnosed in their 40s. All aunties have recovered and have a good prognosis so far.
However my mum also gets LOTS of hormonal lumps in her breast so maybe we just have similar breast tissue, you know? I’m down with that.
One of my aunties also did IVF and she had the hormonal type of breast cancer. It does make me wonder if all this pumping in of hormones is really that good for you. Not that it “gives” you cancer but that it may stimulate a response in someone predisposed. I don’t know. I have done no research on this. It is just my brain making connections where there may be none.
The other good thing is that 80-90% of lumps that are discovered by women are benign (I have the bracket as some websites say 80, some 90 so we’ll just go with a range). So the odds are IN MY FAVOUR and we love good odds.
Oh and I have had some cysts aspirated in my breast before. Not because I had lumps but because my mum sent me to have them checked on ultrasound when she worked for a breast specialist because she could (I wonder if he is still a boob man after all those boobs??) so maybe it is just a cranky cyst that is now big enough for me to feel. I could work with that.
I gotta tell you doing all this today I did sit down and have some of that raw salted caramel chocolate this afternoon. Just a little bit. I needed it. I’m so pleased it is nourishing and not crap because let’s not even get started on what sugar actually does in the body. Yikes. Not only is it not nourishing but it takes away. But that’s a post for another day.
Please remember me and my little lump in your prayers. Let it all be nothing but hot air!