Preparing for the main event

I had no idea when we embarked on this quest for a second child that the journey would be far different to the sprint we ran to get baby no. 1. In comparison to this journey, which feels more and more like a marathon every day, baby no. 1 was an easy 5k. You know what? I think 5k is probably even a strech. We did more like a 100m dash. No hurdles.

As we’ve progressed through the process I have come to realise that the race hasn’t even begun yet. Not really. We are still in training mode. We are still learning about obstacles and heartache and about what it feels like to live life at the skinny end of the bell curve.

And every step of the way I kept thinking ‘this will be the sprint part, we’ll have it this time’ only to find that I’m wrong. Because it is all still training and preparation. We are finding out what works and what doesn’t and what the hell is wrong. It is only now, after experiencing 2 early losses, 3 full rounds of IVF resulting in only 1 embryo to transfer very early on (which was probably abnormal) and many, too many, abnormal embryos, that I feel we are really ready to prepare for the main event. Why? Well it is only due to all this “training” we have been through that we have any clue about what is happening. And that is that my egg quality at the moment more than likely sucks. It’s a tricky one to fix but at least we can do something (depending on who you talk to – I believe we can).

So now we prep for the true race, the true marathon that is the real chance we have for making it to a baby. We are serious, more serious and focused than we have been so far on this journey. I am researching like a woman possessed and going pretty extreme because this will likely be our last chance. If we do all this and STILL get abnormal embryos then I don’t believe we will continue on this journey. Never say never and all that but I just don’t think it is likely. If we do EVERYTHING right this time then how could we continue? What more would there be to do? Unless you believe that eventually a good egg might just appear which I guess is possible. Anyway, right now, we are discussing the fact that this next round in about August 2015 will be our last.

Over the coming weeks and months we have a series of second opinions booked with fertility specialists.

  1. With a leading specialist in our area at a clinic we may actually change to.
  2. With the leading fertility specialist in WA whom our friend saw and had success with. His approach is pretty extreme (no plastics, chemical laden cleaning products, make up etc)
  3. With Colorado Centre for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM) for a second opinion, arguably one of the leading fertility clinics in the US. I am particularly interested in them reviewing my supplementation and what they recommend for boosting egg quality.

Right now I am also exercising moderately – pump (weights to music in a class format), yoga and body balance classes mostly. They aren’t as hard on the body as running is but they give me some relief which I need. The extreme Dr actually recommends only walking and swimming (for relaxation as opposed to exercise) so I will probably down scale to this in the coming weeks.

As far as nutrition goes the Egg book recommends exclusion of refined carbs and sugar, both as they can impact insulin resistance which is known to impact fertility so once we return from Canada, this is the path I will be on. In the meantime I am mostly GF anyway and rarely eat sugar but I am going to exclude entirely for the 3 month approach.  There is no recommendation there to skip dairy however I do find my body responds poorly to dairy (eczema) which says to me inflammation in the gut and inflammation is bad so we will skip the dairy. Again, only ever have cheese really and hardly at all at the moment so it won’t be too hard to eliminate completely.

I won’t be drinking (haven’t in weeks anyway aside from a handful around Easter time with the family) and neither will Eric once we return from Canada. Apparently there is some evidence to suggest that even a small amount of drinking by the male or female in the month prior to IVF can actually contribute to lower pregnancy rates and then miscarriage. It seems to be mostly correlation at the moment but it is suggestion and if it affects the few then we need to assume we are the few which is my attitude with most of this. We are at the skinny end of the bell curve remember.

I know we had the iUI this month and sure, maybe we will get a big surprise and find that it worked but I can’t stop my preparation because of that. The doing has to start now. It’s not that I’m not hoping that the IUI worked, of course I am. But I can’t run my life ‘just in case’ it has. I have to be ready for the next step. I honestly don’t have any signs or feeling either way at the moment and testing is a good week away so we will just see how it pans out. I need to be realistic though. We have had A LOT of abnormal embryos. The likelihood of me popping out a healthy egg at this point is probably pretty slim but hey, you never do know.

In the meantime, I prepare for what the future will look like if we do not have a positive outcome this time..

I feel very focused and determined. My vision is sharp and clear. I know what I am aiming for now and I am committed to working hard to get the outcome we so desire. I feel the best I have in ages and I believe we can do this.

I have my gloves on baby and I am coming out swinging to get you and bring you home to us. That’s a mummy promise.

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19 thoughts on “Preparing for the main event

  1. I love that song. I’m glad you’re still getting ready for the next round, even though this one isn’t completely over with yet. Good luck with both of them!

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  2. LOL, it’s funny to see the oppressor’s spelling for center on CCRM. 🙂

    I feel inspired by this. I’m going to Denver next month, and no reason I can’t just book it and blow a few hundred dollars. My doctor works with CCRM a lot, they even transfer embryos and such, so I’m sure he could help me get an appointment. But I worry my doctor might be offended? Or what if they do disagree? What am I going to do, move to Denver?

    And part of me wants to believe that I haven’t gotten “that far” as to warrant this, when really all signs say, yes, I have.

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    • haha I did think about the spelling when I wrote it and then I just thought, what the hell? hehe

      I know what you mean about offending your current doc. I was also worried about it because i have to call them and get them to release my medical records. But you know what? This is my fertility and future we are talking about here. I can’t hold back from something that could help me for fear of offending my Dr. If you have a good relationship with your current doc then maybe you could even be clear and say you don’t want to offend and that you just want to seek what their approach would be as you never know what new info there might be.

      There is also the issue of them not agreeing and i have thought about that two with seeing 3 people. If that comes about I have decided to just see what it is in relation to and move forward from there. For me, I still need to ask the questions. Good luck deciding!

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  3. Read this post and heard this playing in my head. Go, girl! xoxo

    I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire
    Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
    Louder, louder than a lion
    ‘Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR

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  4. I think you’ve got a great perpective on this – you’ve taken what’s happened so far and said Right, this tells us what we’re dealing with. Now we can do something about it. I am full of admiration for you both in taking this in both hands and saying you’re going to throw everything at it. I know how overwhelming and unfair the odds can seem and I know that some days it is soul-crushing to struggle with not being able to do what you did before without any problems. I want you to beat this SO much, because you deserve it, because you are amazingly dedicated and because I truly, truly believe in the power of food and lifestyle to heal our bodies and I refuse to accept that you can do all this and still not get your dream. That isn’t an option. You have the most amazing support from Eric and you two are going to do this and do it brilliantly xxxxx

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    • Eric is very proactive and great with the changes. I am so lucky that he is in a financial position where we can just make instant changes to. We went to Flannerys (it is one of those whole foods places with lots of vitamins and GF everything staffed by naturopaths) and he spent $471 on vitmains, natural cleaning products, bamboo plates for Monkey blah blah blah. I simply couldn’t afford to make such big changes as once if it wasn’t for him.

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      • Oh wow! He is amazing isn’t he? Being able to afford to do that for all of you is just so wonderful. It totally baffles me why we live in a world where bad is cheaper than good. I hate that water when you are out costs more than crappy soft drinks. As humans sometimes I think we’ve just set ourselves up for massive failure and at the end the only ones left will be the few of us that realised how poisonous almost everything we do is. I love how Eric us getting so involved and commited to this – and it’s all great for his future health too! X

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  5. I love this attitude. The I won’t take no for an answer if there’s anything I can do about it. Hearing you tell about this stuff is interesting (but painful to watch your struggles), but I’m hoping I don’t have to hear all the extreme stuff. That your baby will come before you have to explain too much more. There are more like no. 1. I know it.

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