What is it about this fucking infertility journey that it feels the need to keep knocking me for a six. I’m am so sick of it.
We got our CGH (PGD) test results back.
Embryo 1: abnormal
Embryo 2: inconclusive
The inconclusive one is the one they sent of to London for further analysis. Obviously they couldn’t help either.
When you receive an inconclusive result you still have the option to transfer (unlike the abnormals which are on the discard pile only) and man oh man I really do not know what to do.
I have pretty much had a headache ever since I got the news. It was like an instant *whack* and if I close my eyes I just see myself banging my head against a brick wall over and over and over again. That’s what this journey is starting to feel like.
I have chatted with Eric and he says his gut feeling is to just keep the embryo frozen in case we decide to transfer later but not do it now. Basically the thought process is that I have a propensity for abnormal embryos so why take the risk?
But as I explained to Eric, we take this risk every month that we try naturally and if we are willing to try naturally then why wouldn’t we transfer this embryo? He argued that on a natural cycle you are getting only one egg that is supposed to be the BEST egg so the risk is lower. There is some logic to that.
I know that Eric would want us to test for abnormalities as soon as possible if we did transfer and he would also want me to terminate if there were any. I don’t have the energy to get into a philosophical argument about the rights and wrongs of that thought process so I’m not going to do it here in this post. I just know that I couldn’t survive a pregnancy and termination. I think that would break me.
I am so exhausted by infertility right now. It is killing me.
I have an appointment with Dr D tomorrow and Eric is going to come so we will decide then how we are going to proceed with Embie No 2. Meanwhile Dr D is going to try and get more info from the lab about WHY the result is inconclusive. I’m not really sure if they can tell us anything else but it is worth asking.
I hate today. I have a bit of a poor me attitude about it all going on right now. There’s too much fog and I’m so heavy and I really wish we could get a fucking break on this journey. The whole thing right now feels exceptionally unfair.