When you try to control the uncontrollable

Ugh. Today sucked. There’s no other word for it. I spent the entire day like a lovestruck teenager staring at my phone willing it to ring. I even had the phantom handbag ring on a number of occasions. You know the one. It sees an otherwise sane person frantically remove everything from her bag in search for said phone so sure that it is ring ring ringing, only to find that no one has tried to call at all. Then you press a few buttons, makes sure it works and put it back within easy reach where it promptly decides to bury itself in the bag cave.

Aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh.

Thankfully I had one of my sessions with the fertility coach prebooked today. It was great and the hypnosis we did at the end was really effective this time. I actually went so deep into it that I can’t even remember the second half of the session. I only came to when she said my name at the end and started to count me out. Apparently this is the best response as you go deeper and are more receptive to the hypnosis. Yay for me.

As for PGD, well, i should never have called yesterday prompting them to chase down the day I would get results. It has left me with a day clouded by a fair bit of anxiety and phone craziness over an outcome that is out of my control anyway. I called the Drs rooms by mid afternoon as hadn’t heard anything and…they were closed. Right. Well guess they won’t be calling me then. Next stop I called the clinic who called the lab and called me back. Apparently one of my results needed to be sent to London for analysis which means something weird is going on that they don’t understand with one of the embryos. Fuckity fuck it.

It was at this point I felt it was time to come clean with Eric. When it comes to medical crap I am like the poster child for weird results. I always seem to end up with the unexpected so I don’t know why I thought it would be different for this journey.

Anyway, basically we don’t know and we aren’t expecting to know until Tuesday now. At least I can just go about my business the next few days not expecting my phone to ring any second. That is a welcome relief. I felt hopeful this morning but now I just feel scared.

In other news I have run 3 times so far this week. I’m a rock star. Boom.

Have a great Easter everyone!

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23 thoughts on “When you try to control the uncontrollable

  1. Ow man, I’m so sorry Em. This is just frustrating. I hope you can still enjoy your easter long weekend without the worry of these results (although I know that they will always be in the back of your mind). Don’t give up on them just yet, they need your positive vibes. This fertility coaching / hypnosis thing sounds so good, do you do it online? You are a rockstar. xx

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    • We do it via skype. The lady is based in Perth. 🙂 will be ok over the weekend. Now I know I can’t know until Tuesday I’ll just forget about it until then (or at least tuck it away – forgetting about it is ridiculously impossible). And thank you xx

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  2. What??!!! Oh man. I can’t believe this. They’ve sent results to LONDON?? I can’t even imagine what must be going on. Maybe you’ll get a proper, definitive answer to everything next week? I don’t understand what they don’t understand…. eugh, I’d be so fed up. Although, at least you can just put it to one side over Easter because everything is closed so there’s no option to do anything else. Oh Em, this totally sucks – it really, really does. Enjoy your weekend as much as you can and deal with reality in a few days time xxxx PS Nice work on the runs 🙂

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  3. ARGHGJYTUR*&R^I^($O*&(%&)&)**&)!
    Ugh, that just blows. Tuesday is so freaking far away! Try not to worry about the London thing — it really could be anything. It’s more likely that the results were just unclear and maybe they needed more sophisticated equipment or something. Unclear doesn’t mean bad, though! I’m sorry you have to wait out the weekend now. SUCH BS. But I hope beyond hope that the wait is so worth it when you find out both of your embies are normal.

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  4. So sorry that you have to wait longer!! I wouldn’t automatically think bad news though. Einstein was unusual, but he wasn’t bad! 🙂 Do your best to not stress for your long weekend. And congrats on the running and the hypnosis!

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