I had a birth healing ceremony the other day.
Now THERE is a sentence I thought I’d never say, write, utter, you get it.
Not that I have anything against healing ceremonies or hippy things, I’m just not normally that way inclined. You don’t look at me and think I’d be all about that sort of thing. But infertility encourages you to do navigate a road less traveled by you in so many ways and hey, I am all for exploring new paths if that is where the journey leads me.
So my journey has led me here. My birth story was loooooong. So long I wrote it in a 3 part blog post over here (read it soon if you are interested as that blog will be closing next month when my domain expires). Interestingly at the time I wrote that post I was at all effected by my birth. I was very pragmatic about it but it was all about me. I was just talking about how the birth was for ME. I never spent any time thinking about how the birth went for Monkey because he came out screaming and breathing and his heartbeat never wavered through the whole process so I thought well it was a-okay. Right?
Then somewhere along the line I actually started to consider what it must have been like for him to arrive in this world and not be able to find me. Imagine that? Imagine the ONLY person you truly know IS NOWHERE to be found when you first come out into this bright cold loud fucking world. OMG once I thought of this I couldn’t unthink it and I was horrified at myself for taking so long to get here (that’s still about me) but also so so so so so sad for my little baby who I love so much. How scary for him!
So it had gotten to the point where every single time I talk to a professional about it I start bursting into tears so eventually someone suggested this healing ceremony. Now there are lots of different things you can do and people do things in different ways but I did this.
1. A doula came over and did a “Tucking in Ceremony” which is where a bunch of rebozos (mexican sarongs bascially) are laid horizontally along a bed. You lay down on them and then are wrap in them section by section. I started to freak a little when it went over my face. I felt like a mummy. But the process really nice. When each section of my body was wrapped the doula talked about thanking that part of my body. When she did my womb I became quite emotional and teary. I clearly have carried a lot of grief there.
Once done with the wrapping part she gave me a massage which was awesome.
2. Before she left she gave me a bag of dried rose petals and suggested I use them in a bath with Monkey where we kind of recreate the birth and talk about how you wanted the birth to be. I found this idea tricky for a 3 year old as I didn’t want to traumatise him and have him think that things were bad for any reason so instead I just told him a story about the day he was born and came into the world Kids love those stories. I spoke to Eric first and found out what he did while I was in recovery and I remember the first moment I met my baby so I had all that covered. It was really nice but the petals for a freaking nightmare (stick to your skin, a pain to clean up blah blah). Still, it was a lovely process.
And you know what? I feel much more at peace about it now too. This is so important because if I am going to have another birth I can’t go into it with fear. I LOVED this doula and I will totally be using her for my next birth. TOTALLY.
If you have experienced any birth trauma then I highly recommend you looking into doing something like this. At worst you will have a relaxing afternoon.