The crunchiest hippiest thing I have EVER done

I had a birth healing ceremony the other day.

Now THERE is a sentence I thought I’d never say, write, utter, you get it.

Not that I have anything against healing ceremonies or hippy things, I’m just not normally that way inclined. You don’t look at me and think I’d be all about that sort of thing. But infertility encourages you to do navigate a road less traveled by you in so many ways and hey, I am all for exploring new paths if that is where the journey leads me.

So my journey has led me here. My birth story was loooooong. So long I wrote it in a 3 part blog post over here (read it soon if you are interested as that blog will be closing next month when my domain expires). Interestingly at the time I wrote that post I was at all effected by my birth. I was very pragmatic about it but it was all about me. I was just talking about how the birth was for ME. I never spent any time thinking about how the birth went for Monkey because he came out screaming and breathing and his heartbeat never wavered through the whole process so I thought well it was a-okay. Right?

Then somewhere along the line I actually started to consider what it must have been like for him to arrive in this world and not be able to find me. Imagine that? Imagine the ONLY person you truly know IS NOWHERE to be found when you first come out into this bright cold loud fucking world. OMG once I thought of this I couldn’t unthink it and I was horrified at myself for taking so long to get here (that’s still about me) but also so so so so so sad for my little baby who I love so much. How scary for him!

So it had gotten to the point where every single time I talk to a professional about it I start bursting into tears so eventually someone suggested this healing ceremony. Now there are lots of different things you can do and people do things in different ways but I did this.

1. A doula came over and did a “Tucking in Ceremony” which is where a bunch of rebozos (mexican sarongs bascially) are laid horizontally along a bed. You lay down on them and then are wrap in them section by section. I started to freak a little when it went over my face. I felt like a mummy. But the process really nice. When each section of my body was wrapped the doula talked about thanking that part of my body. When she did my womb I became quite emotional and teary. I clearly have carried a lot of grief there.

Once done with the wrapping part she gave me a massage which was awesome.

2. Before she left she gave me a bag of dried rose petals and suggested I use them in a bath with Monkey where we kind of recreate the birth and talk about how you wanted the birth to be. I found this idea tricky for a 3 year old as I didn’t want to traumatise him and have him think that things were bad for any reason so instead I just told him a story about the day he was born and came into the world  Kids love those stories. I spoke to Eric first and found out what he did while I was in recovery and I remember the first moment I met my baby so I had all that covered. It was really nice but the petals for a freaking nightmare (stick to your skin, a pain to clean up blah blah). Still, it was a lovely process.

And you know what? I feel much more at peace about it now too. This is so important because if I am going to have another birth I can’t go into it with fear. I LOVED this doula and I will totally be using her for my next birth. TOTALLY.

If you have experienced any birth trauma then I highly recommend you looking into doing something like this. At worst you will have a relaxing afternoon.

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22 thoughts on “The crunchiest hippiest thing I have EVER done

  1. Yeah, I admit, it’s weird. But kind of cool, too. I’m glad it made you feel better so that’s all I care about – YOU!

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  2. That’s really interesting. The only thing I really know about my birth was that I came pretty fast, and as soon as I was born my mom asked for lunch (I was born at 11:51am, I guess it made her hungry lol!)

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  3. I love this and am so glad you did it. I completely agree that infertility encourages us to try new avenues that we might not otherwise explore — there’s some magic in that. I guess everything has a silver lining. Xoxoxo.

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  4. I read your Birth Story last night – wow. Such a crazy journey. I love the way that you explain and tell stories, that one was definitely no different! I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. I feel like the way that you see it is so selfless though, which is a pretty great quality. The Doula sounds fantastic; it would be a great idea to use her for your next birth (hopefully in 10-11 months depending on your next FET 😉 ) I’m proud of you for speaking out and having this birth healing ceremony. The whole experience sounds like it’s done a world of good for you 🙂 xx

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    • Wow! Congratulations on making it through that three post saga! hehe I am so pleased you enjoyed it and that you enjoy my story telling. Thank you 🙂 And it really has done the world of good for me. I need to clear that for myself. Now I feel like I am ready to welcome our new baby which I am determined to believe is coming in this round of IVF. One of those little embies now having their biopsied bits tested is going to be our baby. It has to be. Thanks for always leaving such lovely thoughtful comments. You are always there for me and I appreciate it xx

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      • Hahaha! It was my pleasure to read part one part two and part three! It was really interesting. I agree with you, I think it’s the best thing to go into vid and a transfer with no weight on your shoulders and I love that you are taking the time and energy to work on both your physical and emotional wellbeing before this transfer. It’s something I know makes me deal with things a lot better too and I am just so sure that there are good things coming for you! I am so excited to hear the results though, I have good vibes about it all. And no problem- I love to support your journey you are so so well deserving of this. Xx

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  5. wow! That is very cool. I know a few people who could probably benefit from this. I’m happy you found it helpful and healing and were open to the crunchy, hippiness of it all 🙂 On a side note, I renewed my subscription recently, not sure why since I haven’t blogged in forever, I keep thinking I’ll just pick it up again. I miss all of you! xo

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  6. Oh. Em. Gee. That was the most crunchy hippiest thing ever … and I’m pretty much a hippie!!! 🙂
    But, despite that, I celebrate the fact that you just did the most crunchy and hippy thing in the world and it gave you peace, it calmed your mind and your body and it helped heal you!

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  7. Gosh, I’ve just re-read your birth story. That was one hell of a labour. No wonder you were struggling with processing it all – mine was a very similar drawn-out, unending, multi-day experience of pain and slow dilation. The absolute worst thing to have to go through before taking a newborn home and then being expected to turn into capable mother! The birth healing ceremony sounds really lovely actually – quite gentle and calming. And what I like about it is how it marks a change for you – that hopefully from now onwards, you’ll view it with more peace and acceptance. I identified so much with what you said about “once I thought of this I couldn’t unthink it”. I do this exact kind of thing and then I literally torture myself with the thoughts over and over and over. Actually, I wonder if I should try and find out about some kind of miscarriage healing ceremony. I know it sounds odd (like you, I’m not a massively spiritual person, so it makes me feel a bit odd thinking about it), but god knows I could do with letting all that sh*t go. And very exciting that you found a doula you love too. I think it’s great that you’re dealing with all this and letting go of these emotions – it can only be a good thing, and it will make space to bring good things too xxx

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