I have made a conscious decision this cycle NOT to blog about it as I go. Mainly as I find that blogging about what is happening puts me in a position where my brain needs to entertain all the options – the ones were the outcome sucks as well as the ones where the outcome is great. So I decided to just stick with keeping only the positive outcomes in my brain.
I am keeping this post as a record of my stats as they are useful for myself to look back on and also for others going through a cycle and wanting to know what’s up. I will publish it when the cycle itself reaches an end. Whether that is before PGD or after I’m not sure yet.
(PGD is chromosme testing of embryos).
Now: if you don’t want a blow by blow account of what went down then feel free to scroll to the bottom and just see my stats. There is a heading with the word Summary in it. This is the one your want.
Ok, off we go.
Stims Phase – the one where they pump you full of hormones
Dates: Wed 4 March (CD3) to Wed 11 March (CD10)
This would have to be my best stims phase in terms of how I have felt. I had one day (day 2) where I felt ready to rip someone’s head off run away from it all head in hands and screaming with rage but aside from that, I have felt good. None of the usual tiredness that I have previously felt.
What have I done differently? I significantly reduced my stress.
- I worked less.
- I stopped going to the acupuncture appointments that were taking me 2.5 hours round trip.
- I started the combo Kinesiology/acupuncture thing (but only went once).
- I put sun on my ovaries every single day.
- I ate really well but wasn’t anal about it (thanks to everyone who recommended that)
- I ditched Chinese herbs and slimmed down my supplements (on advice from the Kinesiology chick).
- I did a fertility hypnosis almost every single day, sometimes more than once per day.
Friday 13 March – CD12
Lucky I don’t get the heebie jeebies about Friday the 13th.
The scans leading up to the collection had Dr D predicting a collection of 11 eggs. I was feeling a bit disappointed about the number to be honest but just kept believing that it didn’t matter about the numbers, what mattered was quality and that I was going to make some amazing quality eggs. I kept my mind on the prize.
On collection day we had to be up early as our appointment was 7am. I was worried about sleeping in but needn’t have bothered as woke as 5am wired as all get out. As I laid cuddling Eric first thing I said “You know one of the eggs that comes out today could actually end up being our baby. Isn’t that amazing?”.
I feel it then in that moment more than ever before.
The day ended up being quite a good day for us. We got 16 eggs! That is 5 more than expected. Huzzah! I kept saying “Did you say 16?”. I just couldn’t quite believe it.
AND when they weighed me before theatre I came in at 1.5kg (~3lbs folks) LESS than when I started stims. I cannot freaking believe it. I lost weight on stims. I guess all that healthy eating shiz does work, eh?!
So egg collection day left us with many smiles.
Fertilisation to Blast
Day 1 – they injected all 16 of our collected eggs which was a bit wow. Normally I lose some as they aren’t mature or are abnormal yada yada. Anyway, it didn’t really make much difference to the outcome. Nine of the little suckers fertilised which is one more than we had last time. Here’s hoping they are strong and grow well. I am off to get more sun on my ovaries to promote healing. This needs to be a safe warm healthy space in one month’s time when we put a healthy embryo back in there.
Day 3 – man this was a really confusing phone call. It started out really well.
“You have 7 embryos still going.” – well that’s great, we have only lost 2. This is a good number moving towards day 5. Then there is the rest:
“2 look great, they look really beautiful. However 2 others are only at day 2 stage as opposed to day 3 so a bit slow. The remaining 3 look much more (or a bit more? I can’t remember and it makes a difference) fragmented than we’d like”.
Oh. Right. I’m not sure if maybe this is similar to what was there last time but the delivery from the lab was different but I felt really deflated and extremely anxious after hearing all this as all I heard is “You pretty much only have 2”.
Later in the day I went to do some deep breathing and hypnosis and that helped me A LOT. Man that shiz is more powerful than you realise. But yeah, I felt a bit gutted when I first got this call. Then a blogger reminded me that miracles happen every day and I thought yes they freaking do and why shouldn’t one happen to me? So we are moving forward to Day 5 with smiles on our faces and a positive hopeful outlook.
Day 5 – Today’s phone call sucked. We only got 1 blast. ONE. And that might not even end up being “normal”. When they first told me my immediate thought was “fuck, I need to transfer today” but we ended up deciding to wait. Basically we have 2 other embryos that are at the stage before blast so we are hoping 1 or both of those will tick over to blast the next day. I talked to Dr D about it all and his advice was because I am getting a high number of abnormal embryos that we really do just need to stick to our plan and do the PGD testing. So that’s what we are doing. Hopefully tomorrow’s call will give us more embryos to increase our odds of having a great one.
Day 6 – you think you will know all the answers by day 5 but you never do. But today I don’t care because WE GOT ANOTHER ONE! Wahoo! So we now have 2.
The other almost blast is still trying to morph so they are giving it one more day. We don’t have high hopes for that one as they are thinking that it might not be great quality but we will hold our collective breaths and see what tomorrow brings.
Day 7 – no new embryos. 2 it is. I am OK with this as my head was already there. Our biopsies have now gone off for PGD testing. Fingers crossed we get our baby this time.
Summary for those who don’t want to read it all
16 eggs collected, all OK for fertilisation, 9 actually fertilised, 7 remaining by day 3, only 1 blast at day 5 (but 2 little laggers), 1 additional blast at day 6. Total of 2 sent off for PGD.
Lastly, I am going to leave you with this great quote from Russell Davis’ Fertile Mind Newsletter this month (the dude who does the hypnosis thingys that I listen to. It really spoke to me.
Acceptance is recognising your wellbeing is not dependant on circumstances. It comes from within you. From here you can continue your journey with a sense of peace, being able to find happiness and joy in the now and stop putting life on hold because you think you need things to be a particular way to be OK. You are OK. I know you may not feel that way. But you are not feeling your circumstances, that’s impossible. You are feeling your thinking about your circumstances.
Russell Davis, Fertile Mind Newsletter