As we make our way through this third cycle of IVF I have found myself becoming very private about how I am and our progress. For some people this is the norm from the beginning but for me this is a shift. I have always been pretty open with my friends and family about our journey, mainly because I never expected it would take us that long once we got on the IVF train. And hell, sometimes I’m just an oversharer. 😉
Even though I haven’t told most friends this time they have kind of deduced where it is all at because I am bloated, have stopped vigorous exercise and just had day surgery. It’s not rocket science to figure it all out once you have been exposed to the process before. So many know even though I didn’t want them to know. *sigh* I wish I wasn’t so shit at lying.
Anyway, everyone keeps asking me how I am and it is driving me freaking crazy. I know they mean well, I really do, but every time someone asks me how I am or where things are at then I feel like I have to relive where we are at every. single. time. And if we have had bad news then I need to relive the bad news every. single. time. It is tiring and already all consuming, I just don’t need it everywhere.
You know what I don’t get? I don’t get why people do ask. It is a really private personal time. Isn’t the polite thing to wait until the person going through it offers information as an indication they are willing to talk about it that day? Just a thought.
And the “never had an issue conceiving” advice givers, well I could just give them a nice big right hook too. You know the ones:
- “Just relax”
- “Take a holiday, my sister was taking ages to fall pregnant and then they took a holiday and BAM”
- “Have a few wines, I was tanked when I conceived my kid”
- “Are you sure you know when you are ovulating?”
Pffffftt. I know they all mean well but they just need to take a chill pill and back off.
Not you guys though, I love you guys and you can give me advice all day long because I know many of us are on this journey together. But the others, man oh man.
ANYWAY enough of my whining. Things are going well so far for the cycle. I’m not really going into details with anyone right now, I just need to stay focused and not sweat the small stuff. I am working on just keeping my eye on the prize.
I had my first fertility coaching session yesterday and it was really great. This is the business I am using if anyone is interested in looking into this sort of thing. She is based in Perth (the other side of the country to me) but we just did a Skype consult and it was fine. We are going to do a number of sessions together as I move through this stage and hopefully on to transfer and I am really looking forward to them. Just having an outsider that I can talk to about this process and who can coach me to stay on track with my centred and healthy living is just what I need I think.
One of the things we are going to spend some time on is letting go of some of the emotion surrounding my first birth. It was FULL ON and actually didn’t really bother me initially but I have found that the more time passes the more emotional I am becoming about the fact that I was asleep when my child was born. Not like having a snooze (oh how I wish I was that zen!) but I was under a general anesthetic. My issue isn’t that I wasn’t awake for ME but that I wasn’t present for Monkey. He came out into the big wide world and the only person who he really knew was absent. It must have been the most frightening experience for him. I cannot imagine it. And that thought just moves me to tears.
So this is the thing right, I feel like I have two choices for my next birth – if I need a ceasar I will be asleep (epidurals don’t work on me as it turns out from a spinal injury I had when I was young – found this all out at the first birth) OR I can attempt it naturally but know there is no option to turn the pain off even if I want to and that kind of freaks me out a little. So yeah, plenty of work to do there. That Fertility Coach will earn every penny haha.
For now I am just sitting here writing this waiting for the lab to call and give me my day 3 lab results. Here’s hoping my little embies are just gunning along.
Catch you next time. xx