I am on a motherf***ing oestrogen overload. I swear to god, it is killing me. We went away camping this weekend and Eric and I fought THE WHOLE TIME. It wasn’t the best weekend when it should have been awesome given the weather and location. We usually holiday really well together too.
If you’ve read my back story you will know we have quite a unique relationship which isn’t really a relationship but kinda is. We don’t live together blah blah but are embarking on a family creation journey together. One of the reasons we aren’t together is that Eric is pretty freaking selfish. Not in a material way but in a time and emotional sense which is about a million times worse.
If I could sum his personality up I would say he is a dictator and not a team player. He wants me to be eternally flexible to his changing whims. I am happy to be flexible but being flexible is not about being instructed to do something but giving someone the information so they can be flexible on their own. He instructs. Drives me freaking crazy.
AND he is constantly going on about how I need to look after myself more. What he means is that he wants me toned, slim and sexy. For those of you that don’t know me and haven’t seen a picture let me paint one for you: I am well within my BMI and up until the beginning of my last IUI I was running regularly. I am what you can call slim but slightly pudgy. I weigh a few kilos more than I’d like but I’ve come to accept that while we are doing this IUI / IVF thing that hard core exercise needs to take a back seat while I do more things like walks etc. While I don’t look perfect I am by no means unhappy with my body.
He is. He fucking well is. He pulls a face at me in my swimsuit. He is constantly at me asking me what exercise I’ve done. Tells me I have a hot chick waiting inside me bursting to get out. He has no respect for the work I do from home and expects me to just move it all around to suit whatever he wants. I am just about fucking over it right now. OVER IT. I know I shouldn’t air my dirty laundry in public but this isn’t exactly public in the sense that anyone even knows who he is so I’m venting.
I have been so close to pulling the pin on this cycle I am so mad at him but I’m hanging in there as I really do want a sibling for my son and it works better if it is with the same father.
But I am struggling with it all today. And I feel close to hating him for being so shallow and mean. Which he is but I also think I’m in a bit of an oestrogen rage. ARGH.
Day 8 scan this afternoon so I can see how those follicles are progressing. I’ll let you know how it goes.
I’m now on 2 needles per day and plus had to go for a blood test this morning. I’m so freaking over the needles. Fingers crossed I get a good harvest of good eggs. Stims really suck (for me).
Sorry for the major vent. Thanks for reading.
PS Those of you who secretly think we might end up together might now understand what I mean when I say that is unlikely…