I’ve never been one to struggle too much with making the big decisions. If anything I make them too easily. I’m seem to be made of the gut feel, impulsive stuff.
For me big decisions seem to come easy, but what to order for lunch seems perilous and life altering. So it is somewhat alarming that I am having such difficulty in deciding where the hell I should be next stopping on the fertility train. In some ways I liked it better when it seemed I’d only had the choice of one stop.
Usually if I can’t decide I go for the “If you don’t know, do nothing” approach but doing nothing isn’t really an option for this one. It is akin to setting fire to my ovaries and I’m sure we can all agree that that would be counter productive on this mission.
So, choices. To IVF or not to IVF? To IUI again? To do it now or wait awhile. Every professional I consult seems to have a different opinion and then Eric and I both also have a different opinion. You can see how things might get a bit messy.
Essentially we have these options:
1. Start IVF and do it right away – this is the preference of both our Dr (because of my age darlings, my aaaaage) and Eric. Eric is just plain sick of waiting. Plus he turned 45 on the weekend so you know, he is no spring chicken either.
2. Do IUI but do it straight away – this is probably Eric’s number two. I’m not a fan of this option based on what my acupuncturist has to say. She thinks I need more prep and I’m inclined to agree.
3. Do another IUI but wait one more cycle to prep my body more. This is what my acupuncturist thinks I should do and I was leaning towards this but Eric wasn’t going to come to the party. I can see understand why. You see, if we wait another cycle that will be 2 cycles we’ve had off. Then if we do the IUI and it doesn’t work there’s 3 cycles down the gurgler and probably another cycle in there before we can do IVF. That’s a lot of waiting when we have already been waiting awhile.
And to be fair to Eric, he wanted me at the specialist 6 months before we went as I wanted to try a bunch of natural solutions so we really have done my way for quite some time.
Still, yesterday I was really perplexed about the way forward.
I solved it by the way. This is what I did.
When I went to sleep last night I asked the universe to help me with the idea that when I woke up I would think of the solution just like that.
(this was a little trick suggested by the acupuncturist after I complained the universe wasn’t giving me any signs).
That didn’t happen but at breakfast time while I was taking some herbs my little dude said to me “Mummy, do you have a baby tummy?”. I explained that no I didn’t have one but that Daddy and I were working on trying to get one. He said “I want an Oscar baby tummy”. Bless.
Anyway then my brain cracked into gear and I realised I hadn’t had my revelation yet. Initially I thought that maybe I was up the duff from trying naturally this month but really, that’s a nice thought and all but my 3 year old isn’t banging on about my baby tummy because I’m up the duff. He has said things like that before when I’ve not been preggers. So I ruled that out.
It did get me thinking though about how much I want for him to have a sibling and the more I wait and wait and wait the further apart he and his little sidekick will be and I really don’t want that. So I decided.
Screw it. We’re going to do IVF.
I am almost 38 years old and we have been trying for well over a year with 2 early losses. It’s time to get this freaking show ON. THE. ROAD.
Of course there are no guarantees but the odds significantly increase for us this way. Significantly. Plus I’m a good candidate with my gazillion ovarian reserve so fingers crossed will get a good egg harvest.
So that’s it. Decision made. The Zen way. Thanks universe.
Expect me back on here whining about needles and meds sometime in the near future..
PS In other news…how amazing is TV right now?!?! All the great shows are coming back on for the US Fall season. I’m sooooo excited!
PPS We tried naturally this month. I am 2 dpo but not really that caught up in it this time. May or may not blog more about it over the 2WW.