Not this time…AGAIN

So this pregnancy has gone the way of the last…in that it didn’t stick.

I knew it was all heading south when, this morning, I started spotting. My immediate reaction was anger. I was so mad at my body and the situation. We have been trying so hard and doing everything right and I had been so good about not testing again and waiting for the bloods. This falling and then nothing just feels so cruel. Especially the second time in a row.

I went off and had my blood test anyway and the results confirmed what I felt was already taking place – my hCG had dropped to only 12.

The nurse at the clinic was lovely and talked through lots of stuff with me. She agrees with my approach for what’s next and that is to have the MRI and see if this patch of whatever it is, is whatever the Dr thinks it is. If so, it could be affecting the implantation and I really don’t see why we should throw money at more procedures if we are just going to keep getting this same result. We need to further refine things; investigate and then treat accordingly. She has also suggested considering genetic testing.

So that’s about it from me. I’m OK. I did just go and get my son out of his bed though and put him in mine. I feel I need him close tonight.



28 thoughts on “Not this time…AGAIN

  1. I am so sorry to hear this sad news. I hope you figure out what is causing this to happen so that you can get a sticky baby in there once and for all. I’ve been where you are so please feel free to email me if you need to talk.


  2. 😥 This makes me so sad. And also angry. I just don’t get what’s going on in our world that so many young, healthy women are struggling with fertility issues. It really pisses me off.


  3. Man, I’m so bummed! It really felt good this time, I was so optimistic! And now I feel deflated!
    And, I wasn’t even the one really going through this!! My heart breaks for you – and I’d love to convince you that I’m sure there is a reason why – but right now, I still want to grieve a little bit more.
    Sending good energy your way! After a small break to process, I’m ready for the next step!


    • I know, I felt the same, Kate. A part of me just doesn’t understand it. You are gorgeous. Thank you so much for your comments and for always coming back even though I’m a crappy blog reader at the mo. It means the world to me.


  4. This is so hard, I’m so sorry. Hug your boy, hug yourself. You deserve it, you’re doing everything right. I wish there were answers for the things we can’t control, that is the hardest part I think.
    Love to you!!!


  5. No… I’m so sorry… Eugh I just don’t understand it. Really I don’t. Hug that gorgeous Monkey of yours and let yourself grieve/rage out as much as you need to. Oh I’m just so sorry :’-(. Bloody hell, and I’m angry too – just what the f*** is going on when this kind of thing keeps happening?? My heart aches for you :-((( Xxxxxxxxxxx


  6. I haven’t read anything else you have written yet, so I don’t know how you feel about prayer. But just know I am saying a prayer for you right now. Best of wishes to you and your family.


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