Apparently I need to learn all the lessons

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I went back to the Dr today and insisted on blood test to check my HCG levels and whether or not they are rising.The way that works is this: you get a test the first day and then again 48 hours later. Your HCG levels are meant to double in that time. So, I’ve had the first one.

But this evening I started bleeding and it is more than what I would call spotting and I do feel as though I am getting a period.

*sigh*

I feel like I’m being made to appreciate all the lessons that go on with conception. We got so lucky with Kiddo and fell on the second month so now I feel I’m being made to understand what it feel like to try and try and try and not fall. And then when I fall, I’m being made to learn what it feels like to fall and then lose.

Far out.Why exactly?

As you can probably tell I’m a bit frustrated.

Anyway, the thing I am pleased about in all this is that it has happened before my expensive Dr appointment on Wednesday as it gives her a lot more information to work with. I CAN fall but have struggled to maintain. I’m hoping more than anything that she will exclaim “Well of course, look at these results, you are clearly deficient in XYZ” and that it will all be clear and we can work on a course of action to assist me to keep a pregnancy next time round. Because there WILL be a next time round.

Funnily enough this has all happened at the end of what can only be termed a fantastic day with Kiddo. We did a bike ride and park this morning (he rode, I walked) and then he had a play at his best buddy’s house for an hour while I went to the Dr and then this afternoon after nap time we went to the local Wildlife Sanctuary and took the train around a couple of times. It was fun. Tonight when I put him to bed I gave him an extra long cuddle and thought about how blessed I was to have him. He is a gift. And I understand and appreciate that more than anything now.

Thanks for your support everyone. There WILL be a baby at the end of all this. I know it. We’ll get one. Just not today.

10 thoughts on “Apparently I need to learn all the lessons”

  2. You sound so wonderful about it…such a beautiful perspective. I had a miscarriage at 6 wks of my 2nd pregnancy and we had been trying for a while, not so long to constitute doc appts but long enough that I was eager. I have heard/seen in friends that miscarriage after first child is very common. It will happen, Rachael. And sometimes these things “just happen”, nothing is wrong with you. xo

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    • Thank you so much for those words, Kerry. You always know the right thing to say. I can’t explain it but I actually feel quite positive about it all despite the fact that this is clearly unpleasant and I was excited about it. I just can’t help but feel it will give us another clue as to what is going wrong. And that some of the things I have been doing to assist pregnancy are right even though we didn’t quite get there this time. I feel we are on the right track. So sorry to hear of your loss at 6 weeks. That must have been awful for you. But so glad to know that there was a healthy baby after that. Maybe, sometimes, the system just needs to flush out a little? Who knows. Things happen as you say. We just don’t always know the reasons. x

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  5. So Sorry to hear this! I have totally been there as well. And now I am at 38 weeks with baby #2. It has taken a while, but we are almost there (hopefully!!!). You will get there, too, absolutely. A big lesson for me in pregnancy is the utter lack of control and all of the anxiety that can come with that. And then realizing I am never really “in control” of anything. It is so hard to get comfortable with that, but it does make one really really, really appreciate the blessings when they do come. Hang in there. Your attitude is awesome!

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