Oh the shame

I had one of those massive foot in mouth moments this morning.Like, ginormous. I am so freaking ashamed and annoyed with myself.

So background. My brother and his fiance are getting married in the next few months. I’m really close with my brother and we all love his fiance. We are super excited about this. All good. 

She mentioned to me last year that she was thinking of going off the pill a few months beforehand to get her body all ready so they could start trying right away once married. In fact, I think she asked my advice about it. It was more a “what do you think”. I said don’t do it. That everyone I know who has tried this has ended up being pregnant at their wedding and wishing that wasn’t the case. Of course, they are excited to have a baby on the way but you put so much money into a big wedding it is nice as the bride to be able to relax and enjoy it and not worry about being exhausted because you are pregnant or being worried about having a glass of champagne on the day etc. I’m sure you know what I mean.

And this is a pretty substantial wedding too. It’s not just a teeny family affair. So it’s quite the investment.

Of course, no one thought my advice was any good and they went off the pill right before Christmas anyway. *sigh*

Anyway, their life. What business is it of mine? None, I tell you, NONE.

So my bro rings me this morning and says “Hey I’ve got something to tell you” and I say “Oh is L pregnant?”  (first mistake there – not letting him announce it – I’m such a dick).

“Yes she is”.

So what do I say? I say this “Oh I TOLD you this would happen that she would end up pregnant and your wedding day would suck”.

WTF?

You want to talk about things that suck. I suck.

My bro says in a rather offended tone “Hey, hang on a second”. And I say “well it won’t suck for you, your day will actually be the same. It will be L that will have the different experience. She will be tired, she can’t drink…” I start to trail off a bit as I realise how fucked I sound round about here.

He makes a comment about how I’m deflating his balloon of excitement and I am crushed. He tells me I am the first person they have called to tell as they really want me to be a part of the journey, especially with tips and help for my SIL. God I felt like pure evil for being so mean.

Right at that moment I remembered what happened when I first told my mum I was pregnant. I was super excited and she said “Be careful, it’s only early you know” and it made me so sad. I hung onto this disappointment towards my mum for most of my pregnancy. Right at the moment that I wanted her to be excited for me she didn’t come through. And I’d just done that to my brother and his beautiful fiance.

I sucked hard.

I apologised, of course. And I told the story about mum and how I’d never want to make them feel that way. I cried but then felt bad about crying because it wasn’t about me. It was about them. We ended it OK but I got off the phone feeling so awful. I cried and cried and immediately called Eric.

As soon as I told him what I’d said he said “Oh no”. Why oh why does everyone see it immediately and yet I was able to let it come out of my mouth? I’m so determined to be right all the time that I had to be the I told you so person. Such a loser.

Eric suggested I get off the phone and just send them a really loving text saying how excited and thrilled I am . Don’t mention the faux pas at all. Just make it nice and all about them. So I did that. I also recorded Kiddo saying “Congratulations Uncle Z and Aunty L”.

I also sent a message to my SIL to be telling her how excited I am and giving her some little suggestions about books etc. She loves books. She responded well and it was all good.

It sat in my heart all morning though. I am quite sensitive (although you wouldn’t know from the outside) and my brother is the same but more so. We really take things quite personally when it comes from those we care about. So I knew it would have hurt him. I sent him an email around lunch time just telling him again how sorry I am for taking away that exciting moment and doing my best to fix things. He has been wonderful and all is good (we don’t tend to feud in our family).

I am so pleased and grateful for our strong relationship right now. Not all people would be so forgiving.

And now that that is all fixed as well as it can be I can take a moment to think about the fact that ANOTHER person close to me has just fallen pregnant. That’s 3 in the last few months. Boo.

It will be my turn soon. It will be my turn soon. It will be my turn soon. But only if I stop being suck a DICK.

THE END to this sorry little tale.

Have a great weekend peeps!

~Ems~

PS Sorry if having a secret blog makes it depressing. That was never my intention but I guess it’s the tough personal stuff in our life that we can’t always talk about in our public forums…so this is where it sits. I’ll do something funny next time. I want to rant and rave about male lip kissers. You know, the ones who are just supposed to be your friend and always smack one on the lips. Yeah them.