Oh the shame

I had one of those massive foot in mouth moments this morning.Like, ginormous. I am so freaking ashamed and annoyed with myself.

So background. My brother and his fiance are getting married in the next few months. I’m really close with my brother and we all love his fiance. We are super excited about this. All good. 

She mentioned to me last year that she was thinking of going off the pill a few months beforehand to get her body all ready so they could start trying right away once married. In fact, I think she asked my advice about it. It was more a “what do you think”. I said don’t do it. That everyone I know who has tried this has ended up being pregnant at their wedding and wishing that wasn’t the case. Of course, they are excited to have a baby on the way but you put so much money into a big wedding it is nice as the bride to be able to relax and enjoy it and not worry about being exhausted because you are pregnant or being worried about having a glass of champagne on the day etc. I’m sure you know what I mean.

And this is a pretty substantial wedding too. It’s not just a teeny family affair. So it’s quite the investment.

Of course, no one thought my advice was any good and they went off the pill right before Christmas anyway. *sigh*

Anyway, their life. What business is it of mine? None, I tell you, NONE.

So my bro rings me this morning and says “Hey I’ve got something to tell you” and I say “Oh is L pregnant?”  (first mistake there – not letting him announce it – I’m such a dick).

“Yes she is”.

So what do I say? I say this “Oh I TOLD you this would happen that she would end up pregnant and your wedding day would suck”.

WTF?

You want to talk about things that suck. I suck.

My bro says in a rather offended tone “Hey, hang on a second”. And I say “well it won’t suck for you, your day will actually be the same. It will be L that will have the different experience. She will be tired, she can’t drink…” I start to trail off a bit as I realise how fucked I sound round about here.

He makes a comment about how I’m deflating his balloon of excitement and I am crushed. He tells me I am the first person they have called to tell as they really want me to be a part of the journey, especially with tips and help for my SIL. God I felt like pure evil for being so mean.

Right at that moment I remembered what happened when I first told my mum I was pregnant. I was super excited and she said “Be careful, it’s only early you know” and it made me so sad. I hung onto this disappointment towards my mum for most of my pregnancy. Right at the moment that I wanted her to be excited for me she didn’t come through. And I’d just done that to my brother and his beautiful fiance.

I sucked hard.

I apologised, of course. And I told the story about mum and how I’d never want to make them feel that way. I cried but then felt bad about crying because it wasn’t about me. It was about them. We ended it OK but I got off the phone feeling so awful. I cried and cried and immediately called Eric.

As soon as I told him what I’d said he said “Oh no”. Why oh why does everyone see it immediately and yet I was able to let it come out of my mouth? I’m so determined to be right all the time that I had to be the I told you so person. Such a loser.

Eric suggested I get off the phone and just send them a really loving text saying how excited and thrilled I am . Don’t mention the faux pas at all. Just make it nice and all about them. So I did that. I also recorded Kiddo saying “Congratulations Uncle Z and Aunty L”.

I also sent a message to my SIL to be telling her how excited I am and giving her some little suggestions about books etc. She loves books. She responded well and it was all good.

It sat in my heart all morning though. I am quite sensitive (although you wouldn’t know from the outside) and my brother is the same but more so. We really take things quite personally when it comes from those we care about. So I knew it would have hurt him. I sent him an email around lunch time just telling him again how sorry I am for taking away that exciting moment and doing my best to fix things. He has been wonderful and all is good (we don’t tend to feud in our family).

I am so pleased and grateful for our strong relationship right now. Not all people would be so forgiving.

And now that that is all fixed as well as it can be I can take a moment to think about the fact that ANOTHER person close to me has just fallen pregnant. That’s 3 in the last few months. Boo.

It will be my turn soon. It will be my turn soon. It will be my turn soon. But only if I stop being suck a DICK.

THE END to this sorry little tale.

Have a great weekend peeps!

~Ems~

PS Sorry if having a secret blog makes it depressing. That was never my intention but I guess it’s the tough personal stuff in our life that we can’t always talk about in our public forums…so this is where it sits. I’ll do something funny next time. I want to rant and rave about male lip kissers. You know, the ones who are just supposed to be your friend and always smack one on the lips. Yeah them.

 

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16 thoughts on “Oh the shame

  1. Male lip kissers, ha ha ha!!

    But seriously, I can imagine you must feel just awful – BUT BUT BUT. As awful as you feel for saying it, you are right! A wedding, especially an expensive wedding, is a day that you want to enjoy without caution. You want to quaff back a ton of champagne and swan off on a honeymoon to drink as many bottles as you can and get a fabulous tan. You need that time to unwind after all the wedding prep and planning and it’s couple time. Being pregnant… ah. No more sitting up til 1am drinking with your new husband and putting the world to rights, no trying exotic foods because they might harm the baby, no visiting temples that don’t allow pregnant women in them… (well, in Bali, anyway), etc. etc. etc. So. I totally agree with you – they should have waited. I went to a wedding a couple of years back where the bride wore a traditional fairytale wedding dress and somehow it fitted over her bump. Kind of a weird look.
    I’m sure you must feel awful – are you a Sagittarius? Cause that’s exactly the kind of thing I do to people! But if you made an effort to be excited and apologise, I’m sure they will honestly forget about it quicker than you will. I’m close to my brother too and we rarely fight, but on that rare occasion we do, we love each other too much to stay mad for long.
    Hopefully it will just be water under the bridge.

    And it WILL be your turn soon. Remember – there isn’t a queue. That baby is just waiting for the right time to show. XXX

    Like

    • Exactly! Funnily enough my bro is organising the honeymoon and the plan had been to do some remote Africa safari…why? As it wouldn’t be easy to do once they had kids. I have no idea if that is still on the cards but when I say remote I mean remote. Camping not glamping. THAT sort of safari. His fiance could def handle that sort of trip but 5 months preggers? Uh. I don’t know. Hands up who wants to be remote Africa eating tin food when that preggers? NOT MEEEEEE!

      Anyway, despite that, it wasn’t my place to do the I told you so dance. I am truly happy for them and more pleased that they seem to have forgiven me.

      My baby will come. I know it. Like you said…right time… xx

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    • Oh and the nicest thing…when I text her and commented how nice it will be to have a new baby for Xmas..she wrote back and said “Hopefully 2”. It’s nice they want me to have that joy too. x

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  2. Foot in mouth for sure, but I was nodding my head in agreement because you’re right! I wasn’t pregnant at my wedding but was at my best friend’s wedding and again during a trip to Italy…that is just as bad! lol 🙂 We all make mistakes and speak before we think but you recognized it and apologized and that is what matters. You’ll be there for so many more important times during your SIL’s pregnancy that it will all be made up for. Maybe that whole roller coaster means your pregnant! 😀

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  3. hahahahahahhahaahahaha. I’m so laughing at your pain right now and I can’t help it! That was just so awful – but WE’VE ALL DONE IT!! And, it’s true! You did tell them and now your SIL won’t be able to enjoy it as much as she would have if they hadn’t “gotten a head start”. So yeah, you sucked as a sister there for about 5 minutes, but it’ll be fine and you’ll make up for it in no time!

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  4. okay, you know how much I adore you, right? so please take this comment with the loving spirit it is intended.

    I wonder, if on some subconscious level, your response was less about “I told you so” or about being right, and more about a tiny bit of jealousy that they are pregnant and you are not just yet. I only bring it up as a possible catalyst for your foot-in-mouth disease because I recognize how my own dormant, underlying jealousy has sometimes fueled some really nasty things I’ve said to people, under the guise of I-told-you-so.

    And even if it was a bit of the above, that doesn’t make you a bad person. It just makes you human. Moreover, what makes you an amazingly good person is the fact that you recognized it immediately and then worked hard to rectify the situation. You are a great sister and SIL, and you will be an amazing aunt to the little one.

    Love you loads and totally admire your courage and honesty.
    xoxo

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    • Thanks, Nance. And you know what? I actually had that thought myself after I sat on it for awhile yesterday (and after I’d written this post). My response was immediate so it’s not like I thought about it but it could definitely have been my subconscious response because I am feeling a bit jealous about all these babies.

      Thanks for being brave and leaving a message that you thought I needed to hear. I love that you did that. Lots of love xxx

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      • I have been waiting to exhale ever since I left the comment. I was so worried you would be offended.

        You are evolved and mature and generally awesome.

        My ego still kicks into overdrive first, anytime I feel someone is criticizing me. I’ve learned to wait, breathe, and then move thru it, but it’s still work for me.

        You’ve just set an amazing example for me. Thanks.
        xoxo

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        • Awwww thanks, Nancy 🙂 I’d love to be as evolved as you make me sound in this comment! Don’t worry, my ego still gets in the way too when I feel I’m being criticised although I’m trying to get better at that. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don’t.

          I think the difference here is that there was nothing about your comment that felt like a criticism in any way AT ALL. The delivery was perfect. I just saw it as another point of view and it was delivered with a lot of nice stuff too. So perhaps the lesson here isn’t about how you react to criticism but how you deliver criticism. The better the delivery the better the reaction. A lesson I could have learned before yesterday’s events!

          So may you are more evolved than you think. xoxo

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  5. Oh gosh, I’m sorry, but this made me laugh out loud!!! I can totally relate-hate putting my foot in my mouth like that. But I am not laughing about the feeling of everyone being pg around you while you are waiting. When I miscarried (the first time), two of my closest friends happened to be pg at the same time and I got to watch them go through their pgs and have their beautiful babies and it was really painful! I was a mess at my friend’s blessingway. But it WILL be your turn soon!

    And what is UP with the mouth kissing anyway? I was just thinking about that!!!

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    • Oh my god that must have been so hard for you! Every time you looked at their babies you must have thought “oh that should have been me.”. Terrible. And yes, it will be my turn when it’s time. I’m trying to do all the right things now. Really getting strict and healthy with my diet etc. I feel confident this will do the trick.

      And the mouth kissing…don’t me started or I’ll have no material left for a post lol but YES, what is UP with that??????

      Like

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