I can honestly say that I have never encountered one negative comment from anybody that knows the truth about my situation and that is quite a few people.
When I embarked on this journey I was sharing an apartment in Sydney with my brother which is actually the best place I could have been. When everything happened with my back he also encouraged me to go on the donor list with IVF and go it alone.
I filled my mum in about it all immediately and as a result all my aunties were told and everyone thought it was a fabulous idea. I have always been a pretty independent successful self sufficient person so I think the view was that if anyone could do it then I could.
I also told a number of my close friends who were all really supportive.
Once things got going though and Eric was so involved it confused people so I think they assumed that we might work things out. I never told my work as I was too embarrassed so there was a bit of lying there. As it was there were frequent visits throughout my pregnancy to visit Eric so no-one ever really questioned it.
Once Kiddo was born and Eric was living with me I just let people assume it was all smooth sailing and that we would move north together as a family although I did tell my closest friends and family that we things weren’t exactly harmonious. I never breathed a word of it to new people I met though, including the mums I met at mother’s group.
That made it quite difficult as I felt like I was living a lie. It was actually pretty damaging for me mentally during what was already a difficult time.
Once we moved north (we never did stay with Eric by the way as I refused to sign that fabricated financial agreement) I resolved to be honest with people about my situation moving forward. I didn’t really go into details on how we’d gotten to be at that point. Just skimmed over that we hadn’t been together for long when we’d decided to have a baby so things just didn’t work out. I didn’t think they all needed the gritty details of the past. I have been completely forthcoming with people moving forward though. All my new friends up here know we are trying for baby no 2 as a separated couple and they are extremely supportive.
My family all know too (except my Dad, only because he is an alcoholic and we aren’t close) and my close friends who don’t live locally also know what I’m up to.
So why the need for a secret blog? Well I don’t think anyone knows the whole truth. People are around at certain times so get the story that is applicable at the time and then they fill in the gaps themselves. Here, I wanted to use it as a platform to get the whole truth out of me and down into a journal of sorts. Then it will always be there as I’m sure one day when I am older I will be glad that it is recorded.
Also, on a personal level it is proving to be exceptionally healing. And I want to go on about other (unrelated) stuff that day to day people don’t know.
I hope that answers some questions out there. Keep them coming! And thanks for reading and offering me your support. It is impossible to convey how much it means to me.