THIS is why I started this secret blog in the first place. I have been DYING to blog about my TTC journey as it is taking so freaking long and haven’t been able to as my blog is public to everyone who is anyone. It also wouldn’t please Eric if I was publicly blogging about all this so I need to respect his wishes.
Lucky for you I kept notes!!! haha I bet you are relieved. If anything it has shown me that our minds are powerful. We can generate symptoms where there are none over and over and over again.
Here’s what’s been going on.
7dpo – ok now I’m really starting to think I’m knocked up. I’ve had small waves of nausea the last few days and my boobies are a hurtin’ but haven’t wanted to read too much into it. THEN I cooked a salmon stir fry for dinner tonight (Eric’s fav) and I couldn’t eat it. The fish taste was overpowering and I just couldn’t eat it. Eric said it was sensational (yes he does describe food like that – it’s not my cooking, it’s just because it’s food) so I know it was pretty much the same as usual. Uh oh think I’m up the duff.
9dpo – mega cranky today. Back to thinking I’m not preggers and that it’s just rotten PMS
12dpo – egg white omelette totally gross this morning as was ham sandwich at party. Preggers?
13dpo – couldn’t cook the steak for dinner. Convinced it stunk. Binned $20 worth of good steak tonight. BAAAHHHHH.
14dpo – got period bang on time. So I guess I’m not pregnant then.
Guess we’re off for round 2. Not before I chug a couple of glasses of wine tonight.
Postive opk day 15 of cycle. Also again day 16 and day 18 (using regular ones this time – not digital – so I don’t think they are accurate enough). Just bonked on all of them to have our bases covered.
I didn’t actually get ovulation pains until day 18 so I’m certain I ovulated then. It concerned me a bit as I have a strict 28 day cycle at the moment – it’s like clockwork – so I’m worried there isn’t a long enough luteal phase to allow implantation. If we don’t conceive this month I’m going to talk to the naturopath about that as I think some of the stuff she’s got me on is regulating my cycle and I don’t want to be on it if it’s going to screw with my luteal phase. I’d rather have a 32 day cycle (which I had when conceiving Kiddo) and have enough time for everything to occur.
I have not allowed myself to even consider symptoms this month. Last month did my head in and made me feel like I didn’t even know my own body so if I’ve remotely felt any of those symptoms this time I simply haven’t bought into it.
Yesterday (about 13 dpo – or maybe 11dpo, ovulation was weird this month) I had a mega meltdown in Big W. I snapped at the girl at the photo counter big time and then felt so bad about it and the fact that my son’s 2nd birthday party invites came out wrong that I promptly burst into tears. So I’m either pregnant of about to get a mother of a period.
So today is day 28 of my cycle and my period is due. I have mega mega cramps so am kind of expecting it. Way more than I normally get though which is weird. So like I said I’m about to get the mother of all periods or I’m actually pregnant. We’ll see what happens. Funny but last night I felt sure I was pregnant. Wonder if I’m right.
GOT MY PERIOD. FUCK IT. Bang on the 28 days but it waited until evening just to really screw with me.