Our relationship post birth and baby no 2

Eric came to live with me from when I was 36 weeks pregnant. The intention was to stay in the local area near my mum for the first 6 months and then all move north together. In my mind I hoped that this time living together would bring us closer and that we would just move in together once we moved north.

That didn’t happen.

Things were pretty bad between us most of the time we lived together. He was great with Kiddo, I have not one complaint there, but the relationship between us was strained and he felt extremely confined.

He went back north during December and I’m pretty certain started dating other women about that time so this got even worse at this point. He was doing everything he could to distance himself from me.

He came back for Christmas, along with his mother and her husband, and then he packed his things and left early January. I stayed out the last month of the lease and then moved in with my mum while I figured out what to do.

At that point the battles between Eric and I began. It wasn’t good. I had said I would move up with Kiddo to that town I liked but we needed to stay with him first while we looked for a place. He insisted that I sign a financial agreement full of lies before he would agree to have us there. He was afraid of getting done over for a large some of money (to be fair his ex-wife nailed him for A LOT).

Despite all this we did have some amicable times and he and his mum went and looked at places for me when I asked. My mum was terrified of me going. She wanted me to stay in my hometown near my family so I’d have help. She felt that if Eric wasn’t coming to the party with support now that he would leave me hanging up there all alone. Logically I understood her position but I felt strongly that she was wrong.

I honestly felt this was the right move for us and it was VERY important to me that Kiddo be given an opportunity to have a relationship with his father. I was sure he would be a good dad.

I am pleased to say that I was right about that. The move north is the best move I’ve EVER made. I will never go back to my hometown (which I hated anyway) or to the busy city again. We love our beach lifestyle and clearly Eric and I have made things work.

It hasn’t been easy. We had to work at our relationship every day. I had to work on my anxiety too which was a huge battle up here on my own but I believe it has been the location that has been a big part of my success.

We have both had other relationships since our “split” if that’s what you’d like to call it but nothing so serious that it’s lasted beyond that 3 month honeymoon period.

We moved here in March 2012 and by June that same year we started conversations about a second child. At that point we had both just ended relationships. We didn’t rush into it. We spoke about it at length and continued to date others. We were clear on our expectations this time and just spent more time getting to know each other and raise our beautiful boy.

What I will say is this: we have worked harder on our communication than most couples ever do. We are good at it with each other now. We know the triggers and the signs but it has been a true investment with each other to come to this place. When you have a child together you owe it to him to make that investment with each other, as difficult as it is. He has also been an incredible support for me and is truly like my family.

No, he hasn’t been a perfect person but neither have I. What he has been is a good friend (mostly) and a marvellous father and he tries very hard to be there for me and ensure we lead a harmonious life as Kiddo’s family.

So the plan was that we would start trying for baby no 2 at Christmas last year but then in November I met someone so things were put on hold. Eric was very supportive of that as at the end of the day he only wants me to find happiness. And if he was to meet someone else and this whole thing didn’t go off then I would also just adopt a que sera approach to it all. Either it’s meant to be or it’s not.

Anyway, that relationship of mine didn’t work out by about Feb 2013. I wasn’t sure about the baby thing then though. I asked for time and thought on the idea for a few more months.

And in July 2013 I decided this was the right plan for me. For us. It would ensure a full sibling for Kiddo, which was important to me, and more importantly it is a child with a man who IĀ know is a good father.

So that month we started trying. And we’re still trying and it’s January 2014. *sigh*

More on that to come.

So how are you enjoying the story so far? Crazy right?!

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9 thoughts on “Our relationship post birth and baby no 2

  1. I love it! And, I’d love to say it is totally crazy, but it really makes sense to me. You guys knew you wanted a kid, and you’ve made it work better than a lot of the divorced families out there. I would imagine that boundaries and expectations are the hardest things to manage and you guys have found a way to make it work.

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  2. I love the story! See…another person said you need to make this into a novel! Parenting a child absolutely makes two people forced to communicate better when you both want what is best for your kids. So, the trying process doesn’t mess with your head in any way? like in some way making you both want something more out of it? Ok, I have another question brewing but not gonna ask it here. haha!

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    • haha yes maybe one day it could be a story! No the trying process doesn’t mess with my head in any way any more. I think it was worse the first time as my confidence was low and I just wanted to be loved. I don’t feel that way anymore. I’m more on top of my anxiety than ever and feeling very much myself so I am able to stay true to myself and for now that means waiting to fall in love with someone that is able to show me love and be a partner. As great as Eric is in many ways he is not this person. We do care for each other a lot and talk about that but that’s where we are at for now. šŸ™‚ I think in a lot of ways us continuing to build a family is making more out of it. We do feel we are family creating and making a bigger investment to that with each other if that makes sense. Oooooo I wonder what your other question is!

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  3. Pingback: The lowdown | The Secret Life of Emily Maine

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