From one night stand to baby daddy

So how did we make the transition from one night stand to deliberate co-parents?

In reality we were two people who didn’t even really click so how does something like that even get off the ground?

Well we did the usual swap numbers thing after our first sordid event and as I’d lost my mobile phone I ended up deciding to text him with a “thanks, great to meet you, let’s catch up” text. 

You are probably wondering why I even bothered to follow up a guy I didn’t even really click with. Well, I’m really shit at men. Or at least I used to be. The harder they were to get the more I wanted them. My whole idea about love centred around the fact that I had an unavailable alcoholic father whose approval and love I had spent a lifetime trying to obtain. It’s sad really but at least I see it now and can break those patterns.

Plus, don’t forget, I had the epiphany right as we has leaving my house the morning after…he was THE ONE. Or at the very least vital to my future. So I decided to chase the unobtainable man. Unobtainable because we didn’t click and I knew that he would feel that too. Unobtainable as he’d spent the first 15 mins of us meeting talking about his ex-wife. This was not a guy looking to commit.

So I sent the text. And he gave me a 100% brush off. Just like that. I have to admit I was really surprise. I’d had the epiphany remember? Which makes me sound crazy and like I think I’m psychic but it just felt like I knew.

Then a day or two later (or maybe even a week, to be honest I don’t really remember) he sends me a text saying he would like to know me better but didn’t want a relationship yada yada yada. What he wasn’t was a chick for a regular shag. He wasn’t that straight with it but that’s essentially what he meant. Instead I decided to interpret his text as meaning I could change his mind.

Men, let this be a lesson to you. If you aren’t straight with it chicks won’t get you. Actually make that people, let this be a lesson to you. If you aren’t straight with it then people won’t get it. If it is a rejection then they are not going to hear it and are going to be looking for any ambiguity possible to give them hope.

Anyway, Baby Daddy Eric invited me up to visit him (about a 10 hour drive away) and offered to pay for my flights. That whole concept probably sounds worse than it was. Don’t think the worst. We are here now with a 2 year old remember.

We had a series of visits back and forth with each other that really didn’t go all that well. The first one I remember actually being bored in his company. We really didn’t have that click. Still I pursued and hung while he became more and more available. Same old story isn’t it.

There was a visit in the August that involved me staying with him while I went to a local festival. He decided as because I wasn’t actually staying “with” him at his request he could do whatever he damn well pleased and arranged a blind date for while I was there.

Seriously. Who fucking does that?

And still, I didn’t get away from him completely after that. I did move on a bit in that I started dating again myself but he kept in constant contact asking about all my dates and acting like he wanted to be my best friend. I saw that to mean something.

Again people, if you aren’t straight with it people won’t get it.

He also offered, twice, to have a baby with me when I got older if I hadn’t met someone.

Somewhere in all there I started having troubles with my back. I have an old back injury from when I was young. I broke it back then and have had surprisingly little trouble with it my whole life but something had happened. I can’t even remember what now. I just remember I went to the Dr to have an x-ray and look at where it was at. The Dr showed me that I had early onset arthritis in the base of my spine and suggested I start having babies without delay. Well that’s helpful advice when you don’t have a partner. So useful.

So I went to Eric. And I told him the story. And I reminded him that he’d offered the baby thing twice before. He thought about it for one week, called me back and said “Let’s do it”.

And that’s how he became the Baby Daddy.

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14 thoughts on “From one night stand to baby daddy

  1. Wow, I’m just amazed at all of this. I knew that the two of you were great parents separately, but I had no idea… Okay – so if it’s not planned for a future blog, you must tell me how your family reacted to all of this! It can’t be any worse than when I told mine that I was pregnant and keeping it 🙂 I guess I’m wondering if you flat out told them you were having a baby and weren’t going to get married or just how that conversation went! Or, did you cover it up (lie) and say you were together and then “it didn’t work out”
    Oh, and feel free to tell me if I’m asking stuff you don’t want to/can’t answer – or if you are saving it! Won’t hurt my feelings!

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  2. Holy crap, what a story! I can’t believe you stuck it out with all the initial weirdness. It is rather serendipitous that you did all that and then found out you needed to get on the baby making.

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    • Neither can I. I wasn’t in a good place with dealing with men and rejection and all that stuff at the time so I guess that had a bit to do with it but there were other things at play there too.

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  3. It sounds odd, but I think it was just meant to be. In a way, it’s perfect – you both wanted to be parents, you were both ready but not emotionally committed to anyone, so you decided to go ahead together and share a dream. Totally unconventional, but actually it makes total sense!

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  4. What I’m most excited to read about is when you finally realized you didn’t want/need him anymore, and that you could just ‘be with him’ in relation to the baby-making/co-parenting aspects. I’m waiting for that moment where you’re no longer chasing him as the potential mate/partner. I will jump up and WOOT WOOT on that post. 🙂

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  5. Pingback: The lowdown | The Secret Life of Emily Maine

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